Nothing like a small heart attack to start the morning right.

Goodbye Kitty,see you soon! Love you forever. 

Sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for adulthood. This morning was one of those times. Imagine if you will, a slumbering redhead laying on a pile of unfolded clothes she has yet to pack for her 7 am flight. The original plan was to pack the night before but beer and boys got in the way of that and like a predictable teen movie she had blown off responsiblility  in favour of a good time. Now as her alarm clock abused the airwaves in her peacefully quiet apartment she was slowly realizing what a terrible idea that was. 

I'm so predictable, it is almost comical how late I leave almost everything. With my car arriving at 6 am, I swear my last item wasn't packed until at least 6:05 and it wasn't until my cab was zooming towards JFK that I had a second to process how tired I really was (A large family is now currently staring at me so I'm sure I look as exhausted as I truly am). Now I must point out, although I appear to have no problem leaving things until the last minute, in all actuality it gives me large amounts of anxiety. I can't even tell you how many times I googled how many ounces of liquids I was allowed before checking the label on every single bottle I own (followed by a mini heart attack…what if they confiscated my Burberry London!?!? That was $100 bucks, maybe I should leave it behind…I even thought about spraying it pump by pump it into a smaller bottle) it isn't until I'm happily through security that I can truly breath again (although apparently they actually give zero fucks because you don't even have to take you laptop out anymore!). You would honestly think it was my first flight the level of anxiety and number of triple checks I make, the one thing I didn't happen to check? What airport I was flying out of!

It was honestly a scene out of Friends….oh wait that is because that was EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS (see: Friends Finale!) I wandered in to the airport and dragged my little bag (perfectly within airline regulation size!) over to the self service check in. After entering my flight number 45 times, I finally decided I should probably pull up my email to double check the flight number, that was when I finally saw the giant LGA next to my flight. I reopened the page, that is how sure I was that my eyes were just overtired.

"Excuse me can you confirm that this says LaGuardia and I am officially the stupidest person alive?" The American Airlines worker patrolling the kiosks assured me that I am the biggest idiot alive and within two seconds I was running out of the airport as fast as my little heels could take me. 

Nice to meet you, I'm the worst.

Thankfully for me, my anxious nature also makes me habitually early for everything so I can thankfully say that I made my flight in time. In fact I am currently sitting at my gate surrounded by screaming children certain that if they are sitting near me on the flight I may murder one…or seven of them by the end of this flight. 

Airport thoughts-

  • Fly by Sugar ray was in my head all morning, what a tune. 
  • The lady lint rolling her pants next to me knows how to do life, bringing a lint roller on a flight? WHO THINKS OF THIS SHIT.
  • I love now children have no sense of social awkwardness and will stare at you dead on for ten minutes….and by that I mean, stop looking at me kid your scaring me.
  • I. need. a . bagel. right. now.
  • The lamest guy is sitting next to me talking way too loudly on the phone. He has called three different people so far and told them all the same damn story whilst using words like dealio and "give you a jingle". staaaaaahp.
  • The other day my Dad sent me a selfie so I sent him a selfie back and he told me I had developed wrinkles that I didn't have in my teen's....How Rude!
If anybody needs me I'll be over here being old. 
  • (I am posting this from Texas because these assholes don't block their wifi like stingy New Yorkers do!)\

1 comment:

  1. Oh no...glad you at least allowed plenty of time!