Things my dad did to mentally scar me as a child #326: Halloween 2004.

In Australia, Halloween isn't a thing. I mean sure, we know it exists and once you reach high school it is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a casual weekend in October (as if any Australian really needs an excuse). But if you ever planned on Trick or Treating you generally received a couple of apples, possibly a few dollars and if you were lucky a bag of chips once allotted for a child's school lunch box. All in all, it's a pretty boring affair.

One year though, my father decided to spice it up a little.

This particular year Halloween fell on an unusually grey day. The clouds were almost smokey and as the sun began to set they threw their dull light at the perfect angle for creepy, yellow shadows to slither across the bricks.

That was when my Dad lost his damn mind.

 Harbouring a sheet, and the cackle of a crazy person he hid behind the tallest trees in our front garden, creepily running past the windows with his veil flowing out behind him. In a bitter attempt to keep him away, my brothers and I locked all the doors and as he crept around the house banging on windows from all angles and making odd noises, I was an inch away from tears (I'm a giant baby, this isn't a surprising part of the story). I looked to my family for comfort but soon learned I was the only one even mildly concerned as my stepmother went about her dinner making and my older brother flicked through the channels, it was as if there wasn't a murderer on the loose!

My only hope was my younger brothers so in a last ditch attempt to not be the weakest link I went about scaring the living shit out of them. After telling them every creepy tale I could and throwing as much fear from my being to theres... nothing! My brothers of a mere two and four years old didn't even flinch as they giggled at the Halloween happenings. I was left to drown in my own solo pool of fear.

Then, in a stroke of genius, he switched off the power.

It was at that moment I was 100% certain my dad had gone mental and was now going to hack myself and every single member of my family to death.

Eventually dinner time approached and just like Robin Williams after he eats a Snickers (We will win this for Mother Russia!....anybody? nope? Watch a TV ever once in a while god), he shrunk back down into my harmless old dad, who falls asleep at the drop of a hat and prioritizes playing golf over the birth of his own son.

Thanks for knocking 13 years off of my life Dad. Appreciate it.

P.S. I vaguely remember a chainsaw being brought in to play, but I think my mind may have added that in during the post production in an attempt to justify my fear. Whatever, imagine there was a chainsaw! NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

No comments:

Post a Comment