Bye Bye Funemployment.

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Well kids, I finally did it, I found a job. It may not be exactly the role I was looking for BUT it will give me my first job in Australia, ever. So far, I have worked just two days, and let me tell you, after more than 6 months off, my muscles are not feeling perfect. 

Although I've loved living at home for these past few weeks, I am excited to spread my little freedom wings and start carving out my own little life here. I initially moved out of home when I was freshly 18, that's eight years of being responsible for myself, so although there is very few things better than finishing work and coming home to a fully cooked meal you didn't even have to think about, I'm excited to find my own home. 

Aside from crying over the Irwins, eating my weight in Weet-Bix and staying up until 3am playing cards with my brothers, my days have been spent...

I have of course been tending to my seedlings. These pots designed for children, have since become my children, acting as the trial run for my impending garden. 

Spending time laughing with, and at, my family. To give you some backstory on this picture. When we go out as a family, my dad will drive us there and it is my youngest brothers job to drive us jolly drunks home. On this particular occasion, my dad decided that he would park on our family friends front lawn, surrounded by trees and cars, completely wedged in to a space he deemed his. This was all well and good until my newly licensed 17 year old brother had to figure out how to get the hell out of it. As you can see, he had quite the audience there for support...but of course not standing too close...just in case. 

Sending pictures of kangaroos that I had lunch with to many Americans. This was at a nearby golf course where I was having lunch with my Dad one day. It was one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever had. As soon as our food arrived, four magpies transcended upon us, sitting around us in ever direction by about 6 feet. They stared us down, squawking and threatening my life and the life of my first born. I was so freaked out I had to cover my head and failed to take a bite. My dad merrily munched away, as if the beasts were not nearby. To make matters worse I was absolutely starving, so I did what any sane person did, I picked up my burger and went and stood in the corner and ate it. 

and running up and down this stretch of land in the hunt for a missing child.  Some backstory, the other day I was sat in the plaza, people watching when I witnessed a lady come tearing past frantically screaming, two small girls in tow. I watched for a while as she dropped all her belongings in the middle of the pathway and told the girls to remain there while she continued running. After two or three bog laps a pair of tradies (for my foreigners, that's a tradesman, decked out in fluro shirts and work boots) approached and I wasn't too far behind. She informed us two of her girls had wandered off and she couldn't find them, she quickly showed the small crowd a picture and we all began hunting around. A few minutes later and after our search party had increased due to a large brigade of mothers with prams rushing over at the distant murmur of a lost child, they were found inside a restaurant they had retreated to for help. As someone who relaxes to the sounds of true crime documentaries, I was relieved to say I wasn't connected to one that day!

And that is pretty much it for updates! Newly employed and ready to jump into being an adult in Australia like.....

Music Monday XI

Sunday, September 29, 2019

I've always wanted a love like Jenna and Matty! Build me a pink house Mark Ruffalo, I'll love you forever in it. 


Speaking of men I love, John Mulaney! I fell into a worm hole of watching John Mulaney interviews the other day and it turns out he is a huge Steely Dan fan, and this song has been in my head ever since. 

The entire Innocent Eyes album was the soundtrack of my life for a good chunk of my childhood. I was absolutely obsessed. At this time in my life I had a best friend who would sleep at my house every single weekend and we would pretend we were Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (I was Ashley) and that we ran a hair salon. We would play for hours and listen to this album on repeat top to bottom all day while we took reservations and cut my teddy's hair. 

I love a Canadian.


When I was in high school I heard this song covered on a reality show and loved it, but have since decided that this is my favourite version. 

I love Chevy Chase. 

I randomly started singing the chorus while in the shower the other day and I couldn't figure out what song it was, completely slipped my mind. I found it...obviously.


As stated above, sometimes I just prefer a cover even though that may be an uncool, unpopular choice...sue me!

I watched Big this morning.

Throwing Throwing, Back Back

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

2013: I gave myself a concussion this night. That stupid flamingo cup full of whiskey was the complete death of me. It was refilled countless times, I had eaten not a single bite all day and I proceeded to throw up all over myself in front of 30 or so people in my apartment. Thankfully since the party was at my own home, it was easy to put me to bed and lock me away so I would stop embarrassing myself...unfortunately my bed was pushed up against my window sill so while falling on it I smashed my head and knocked myself out....I also lost my phone that literally vanished. There are a couple of options, one of the party guests could have stolen it....I could have thrown it off of the roof....or I could have dropped it out the idea...

2012: The infamous Blarney Stone Bar in Midtown. This was me intoxicated, messy and with a wig hanging on for dear life to my head....This was also the night the guy I left with fell into a large pile of vomit while skateboarding through Times Square. A car full of guys pulled over to reiterate that he was now laying in Times Square vomit but he was too busy hating his life and I was too busy laughing my ass off to really take any notice of them. Hilarious. 

2012- A couple of tall girls shooting hoops in Maine. I have referenced these Old Orchard Beach trips many times so I really have nothing new to add. I love tradition and miss this little tradition we had. Of course, it was inevitable as we all spread and our schedules got more and more conflicting, but one day I'm determined to get us all back there just one more time. 

2012- I don't think you can really tell but in this picture I'm wearing no top, my roommates backpack and sunglasses and a drunken face. This was the summer where we always had people back to the apartment and I could merrily get drunk within the comfort of my own home with very little effort. What a dream. 

2017- This was a picture taken while in line for ice cream at our regular childhood haunt the "Quack Shack". We had come home to catch up and ran into an old school friends mother (center). She was a huge part of our childhood because it was often her house we would crash at for our weekly sleepovers. Steven Tyler (from Aerosmith) is right over my left year. He has had a house in the town pretty much his whole life and can often be seen just roaming around, our towns biggest claim to fame!

2014- Two happy kids, another messy day. On this particular day we started drinking extremely early after befriending the waitress at brunch, meaning she started feeding us free shots. We went home temporarily where I proceeded to throw up in the bathtub, my roommate made me a bagel, we rallied and then when to a concert held in a mutual friends apartment. The next day the guys all I wanted to do it again and went back for more brunch, I elected instead of lay in bed and cry about my choices.

2016- Double fisting juice. This was a time in my life where I was spending about $1000 a month on pressed juice alone....Think of all the extra money I would have now if I wasn't such a dumb 23 year old!

2016- My brother and I lived in New York City together for less than 3 years, it's our only life overlap since I was about 15 and although we lived pretty much opposite schedules (sometimes we would even high five while passing each other on the street at going to work...him coming home for work) what I do miss is our little sibling dinner dates. Every few weeks we would get together and eat and drink before I left him to continue drinking the night away and I went home to be the grandma I had become by that point. 

2015- These flowers arrived at work on Sunday. I had received a text from my friend Betsy before my shift was freaking out because I huge box with my name on it was waiting. Something I will say, if there is one thing I dislike it's when florists pair roses with baby's-breath...I can't stand baby's-breath

2014- This picture sums up my employment at the time. I was working for a messy company and was forced to watch my boss, aka the sweetest person I've ever met, be bullied by her boss who had also fired my best friend (thankfully he also got fired just a few months after we left...but he really was the worst human).  My boss and I would sit in the basement during breaks and commiserate about our job hunt and life situations in general which actually made the whole ordeal pretty hilarious and much more enjoyable than it really was. 

2007- My friend Lauren sent this picture to me a few years ago. It was from a time in our life where drinking fluorescent green vodka Cruisers was the height of cool. The other day my underage brother went to a party and lied about how much alcohol he consumed, I on the other hand would come home after a party and show my parents all the dumb drunk pictures we had taken on my bright pink digital camera. 

2017- This picture just cracks me up because I look so freaking overjoyed and happy to be in Vegas. This was the night I got so drunk on tequila and pineapple that I accidentally stole my friends purse, climbed into a strangers suitcase and got kicked off numerous tables for taking pictures while gambling. 

2014- This was one of the many nights spent drinking Bulleit at Jake's Saloon after hockey games at Madison Square Garden. There isn't much of a story to just became tradition with whoever I took to games because the Garden is in literally the worst part of Manhattan with literally nothing around it. 

And a drunk selfie to round us out!

Music Monday X

Sunday, September 22, 2019

I'm really struggling to remember what throwback pictures I've used for this so far...hopefully this hasn't been done before...I call it completely saturated on the side of Mt. Sunapee.

I've been on a severe Blink 182 kick this past week....I'm debating whether to just load this list with Blink songs...but I'll hold fact, I have met Mark Hoppus numerous times and every. single. time. he was wearing the exact same Mickey Mouse T-shirt...I'm convinced it's the only one he owns.

I have had this song in my head for three days...the worst part is that I couldn't remember the actual words, song title or yesterday in a fit of rage I sat there for 30 minutes googling "Da da da...da...da" "da, da, and everyone you knew" and then I remembered it was in Romy and Micheles High School Reunion and thankfully made the soundtrack.

One of the kids at my brothers concert performed this and guess what? In. my. head. ever. since. (My brother confirmed the other day that it's so easy to get songs stuck in my head and honestly...he isn't wrong!)

I love many different kinds of music but there is something in my uncool heart that loves a catchy pop song above anything else.

My brother and I watched EuroTrip the other day and ever since I can't get this damn chorus out of my dumb head. 

Do you know Prince originally wrote this song to be a collaboration . with Stevie Nicks? I learned that this past Saturday while googling the meaning of "Purple Rain" facts.

I used to sing this song all the time during high school study hall while distracting my friend Nikkita from her's fine she's a lawyer now so it obviously did her no harm!

I love a fuck you anthem.

Another song I rediscovered on my "So Fresh Best of '02" CD....I used to love this song....really cool and on-brand for 9 year old me.

Ok, That's ten...gotta go turn it on for a job interview now!

Sunshine, Throwbacks and Sax

Wednesday, September 18, 2019


 Reporting live from my families backyards, it's Thursday afternoon. 

I continue to spend my days interviewing and sitting, sitting and interviewing. Thankfully I have interviews almost every day, so like....if I beg and annoy them hard enough someone has to hire me I'm sure of it! 

Aside from applying (jobs and suntan lotion) we also spent this past weekend starting to purge the house of things that no longer belong. I'm a huge advocate for a good old fashion spring clean, I love donating things I don't need and keeping useless items out of my stepmother is definitely not of that same philosophy. She likes her stuff and her stuff likes here, so Marie Kondo'ing any piece of the house was quite shocking, the best part though? I found some great memories tucked away in all that stuff!

The first item was this So Fresh CD.  I used to LOVE compilation CD's like So Fresh and the different Barbie mix CD's (My favourite being Barbie's Pool Party Volume 1, a CD I loved so much I burned it onto a cassette to give to my neighbour). They were essentially mixes of amazing, early 2000's bangers that defined my pre-teens and after re-listening I can confirm...still bangers! The very first song on the CD when I popped it in was The Ketchup Song and you better believe after over 15 years I still remember the dance moves!

Next up, I found the old recipe book published by my primary school in the 90's.  My family and I used this book so hard that the cover only hangs on by a thread. One of my mum's classic hits was pikelets under a tea towel when we would get home from school and where did she get that recipe? The classic Edgewater Primary School cookbook!

The recipe I contributed was Rocky Road.....another one of Mum's classics which I'm going to make one of these days to make sure it still hits the same!

My third and final throwback is this old Jazz Jackrabbit computer game that my brothers and I loved so hard it is completely covered in scratches. My granddad sent this game to us when we first got our  family computer that lived in our living room on my older brothers old desk covered in Bad Boy stickers. I personally completed the game on multiple occasions and would have LOVED to play it again but unfortunately I no longer have that big old computer that Jazz Jackrabbit used to run around on for hours and unfortunately the little guy doesn't really love Mac's the same way,. 

Another really young, cool thing I've been doing with of all my free time is obsessing over my little Woolworths seedlings. For those outside of Australia, Woolworth's is one of our two main grocery stores here and at the moment with every $30 spend you get a little seedling kit. Woolworths and it's competitor Coles often run these "Collect them all" type programs which often involve little plastic things that nobody actually needs, yet somehow all collect. Woolworths took a turn this time and went sustainable with their "Grow your own" collectables and boy oh freaking boy am I growing my own!

It's been a great way to hold me over until I get my own house with my own garden which I'm so beyond excited about because this is 26 guys!

Last but not least on my busy and happening schedule was my youngest brothers music concert. He plays the saxophone and as part of his final grade him and his other little musical cronies had to put on a concert. So of course my family, and every person we have ever met went along to support him.

P.S. My brother also informed us he had a surprise for us at his concert, which turned out to be him singing a song as well as playing his sax...the best part of this whole thing is that we actually knew about this surprise for weeks because his music teacher let it he was being all secretive and we were being secretive about knowing what he was being secretive about..a mess.

Music Monday IX

Sunday, September 15, 2019

This past weekend while helping my family declutter the house I stumbled across some throwbacks. One of these was my old So Fresh Best of 2002 CD featuring this song. It was one of those instant throwbacks that immediately took me back to my childhood bedroom.


I'm almost positive I've spoken about my love for Shania Twain multiple times of these Music Mondays....BUT I completely forgot about this song until I randomly heard it the other day and it got stuck in my head the rest of the day. What a queen. 

Rod Stewart, still a Dude....Sorry Mum! He also featured in my dream the other night, no idea why, so it seemed fitting to include him!

This is one of my Dad's normal bops but while at a party last week the entire room sung it with gusto and then a few days later I woke up to my youngest brother BELTING it out in the again...seems fitting.

A. 90's. Australian. Classic.

I have certain songs that I classify as my true drunk classics. They are the songs I put on when I'm in peak turn the fuck up after drinking...usually while I'm getting ready for bed but still wanting to dance my little heart out....this is the newest addition to the list!

Shower jam.

What's my favourite movie? Forrest Gump. End Scene.

Michelle Branch is so nostalgic to me without being an artist I consciously every loved individually. I was never someone to keep up to date on her music yet so many of her songs somehow define my life from about 12-14 years old. This song feels like waking up on Saturday morning at my friend Alie's house, post sleepover with 4 of my closest friends, making breakfast while this song plays in the background, throwing on some shorts and a tank top and walking to the beach. Those days of wandering aimlessly around our small New Hampshire town eating candy and pizza are some of my fondest memories.

Tinky Winky, Dordyline, Unemployment and Po.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

I got a job! Life is so productive! I'm making moves, people.

Oh wait, that was all a complete lie!

Instead of being a contributing member of society I am instead spending my days eating my weight in sausage rolls, binge watching Bondi Rescue and desperately wanting to be at work. How backwards is that!

I haven't been unemployed for this long since I was about 14 years old, I don't do well with this much free time! It gives me far too much time to worry about things I can't control, or shop for things I shouldn't waste my money on.

For example, today I woke up and after applying to 40 jobs I spent an hour or so googling productive hobbies, signed up for two volunteer opportunities, contemplated baking bread from scratch and then went to the mall to buy bike shorts (as if I would ever actually wear bike shorts?) and sheet masks.

Alas, I'll keep chugging along, applying for jobs and crossing my fingers that one pops up soon. As much as I love being back living at home for a little bit (Uhm hello, the whole house currently smells like the corned beef we are about to eat for dinner....I love corned beef....Living solo Jordan could neeeeever!) I'm so excited to get my own place, find a dog child (I found a deaf Great Dane called Skittles up for adoption yesterday and honestly have thought of nothing else since!) and start my garden....I'm so young and cool!

Speaking of young and cool, I present to you a video I call "White People turning the FUCK up"

....This past weekend was a family friends 50th "Best of British" party and let's just say...the day after wasn't the most pain free day I have ever had! My family and I dressed up as Teletubbies, I was the adorable sun baby and my Dad was a very effeminate Tinky-Winky, finished with my pale foundation, signature dance move and a bright red bag (whilst buying this bag the sales lady complimented the choice, and I got so much joy responding "Thanks! It's for my Dad!") 

....I've also been spending a good amount of time sitting in the sun (94 degrees in winter? I'll take it!) re-reading Harry Potter for the 34th time or listening to Becoming by Michelle Obama with the Pups. 

....Interviewing and roaming around town

...drinking a bottle of wine out at dinner with my family and forgetting how to act

and honestly, that's about it!

Music Monday VIII

Monday, September 2, 2019

A real life Spice Girl. 

This weeks Music Monday theme is songs of my childhood, songs that I can hear anytime, anywhere and instantly be zapped back to the past.

Everybody Loves Somebody by Dean Martin

If there is one musical artists that always makes me think of my dad it's Dean Martin. This song makes me feel like I'm 8 years old sitting in the back of the car at night, coming back from dinner while he belts it out. 

Doctor Jones by Aqua
I'm pretty sure I completely destroyed by Aquarium CD because I played it that many times. I vividly remember always playing it from our Playstation 1, so it would blast while all the coloured patterns would play on our tiny little TV and I would make up dances in our front room. 

Anthem for the Year 2000 by Silverchair

The Neon Ballroom album cover alone is very nostalgic for me as my older brother had it stuck to his bedroom door and I would stare at it while banging away begging him to come and hang out with me. Aside from that, I remember the first time I saw the video for this song and being so FUCKING scared. I have definitely mentioned on this blog that I love 90's Silverchair, even though my first real memory of them was paralyzing fear that the weird robot lady was going to kill us all when we hit the year 2000, 19 years later I've finally accepted I'm probably safe. 

Never Give Up On The Good Times by Spice Girls
Spiceworld, another album I overplayed and loved every minute of. I even had a photoshoot where I replicated all the poses from the album booklet.....see above, it's the only one I could find,.

Hello by The Cat Empire
As far as I can remember The Cat Empire was my very first concert, and still one of my favourite bands. My favourite thing about this song when it blew up was that it used to really piss my brother off when I would sing the "Hello Hello" bit because he said I was doing it wrong. Really drove him fucking crazy, great times. 

The Young New Mexican Puppeteer by Tom Jones 
While my parents were divorcing my dad temporarily moved into the Granny Flat attached to my house that was empty after my Grandma passed away (what a fun sentence). My brother and I would go and sleep over (Sam slept on the couch and I slept on the floor...our bedrooms were literally 20 steps away, so looking back it made no sense...but still). We used to always beg my Dad to play this song as it was our favourite. I was only about 4 or 5 years old and although a confusing time, I actually really loved that time in my life.

Lovefool by The Cardigans

Speaking of that time in my life! Around that same time my mums friend Anne was constantly at our house. There are a few things that stick out in my mind about Anne- her flame nails, the time we made ANZAC biscuits accidentally full of salt and this song. 

Ring Ring by ABBA

I did a dancing recital to this when I was five years old. To keep things full circle here is a video of my dad, brother and I dancing to it in said granny flat from above story.

Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard

Now I know what you are thinking, what an inappropriate song to remind you of your childhood! You can bring that up with my mother. I remember the day she played it the first time so well for some reason, singing it as she made dinner. The funniest thing is that I was discussing this with a friend of mine years ago and she had the same exact memory with the song, I think it's just a rite of passage. 

One for Sorrow by Steps
Steps belong in that same club with Aqua and Spice Girls. I was obsessed. The reason I chose this song in particular is that my next-door neighbour and I used to love to make up dance routines. A handful stick out in particular....the time we performed a full dance routine to Whenever, Wherever by Shakira on her balcony hoping someone would walk by and see, the time we broke it down to Whole Again by Atomic Kitten in her carport while her parents laughed at us for pretending to start a car for  the line "You still turn me on", the last routine we ever made up to Bounce by Sarah Connor right before I moved to the USA or this one. I remember some of the dance moves even though it was about 18 years ago. Side note: We used to always have fake characters whenever we were out in public, and in the case of our Steps alter-egos I was Lisa and she was Faye but both of our boyfriends were Lee....because neither of us wanted H...sorry H. 

Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera
My favourite memory of this song is that one Christmas we all sat around and played charades and every time it was my turn I would put my hands over my head and pretend I was in a bottle while my family and friends exhaustedly exclaimed it was Genie in a bottle and I needed to get my shit together and pick a new song next turn....fat chance...Genie in a bottle until I die.  

Prisoner of Society by The Living End

Recently my older brother and I got drunk, reminisced about our childhood and screamed this song at each other in a bar in Brooklyn. 

I'm Gonna Getcha Good by Shania Twain
Similarly to Pour Some Sugar on Me this falls into a list of songs I categorize as "The Winamp Years." I'm not even sure if Winamp was the program we used...but still. When I was around 8 or 9, I remember hanging around in my school uniform in the early evening, hanging out with my mum while she cooked dinner and we listened to music. This was one of our favourites.