Terrible Blogger.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I finally did it! I dug my way out of the frozen tundra, polar vortex, icy hell hole, slippery hot mess that has engulfed my world and sucked out any ounce of happiness that resided in it....seriously I'm too Australian for this!

*Truth- My computer broke and I was too lazy to fix it, but the warranty ran out on Valentines so I fixed it the day before Valentines....and people say I make bad choices. So I'm back and I found this bullshit saved in my drafts. So taaadaaa.....Did I mention lazy? *

I looked at my statistics yesterday and noticed a large influx of readers from Lithuania. I don't actually know any Lithuanians so I'm guessing you don't know me personally, so here is some bullshit tag I was tagged in so you can better understand the madness. It's supposed to be 50 questions...but a lot of them were shit, and I'm far too busy watching Netflix to bother with shit questions.

1. What is one thing you will never do again?
2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?
Twice as Happy. Dumb and smiley is the life I want to lead.
3. What happened the last time you cried?
Sometimes I watch videos of solider's surprising their loved ones just so I can cry the sweet tears of happiness. 
6. What’s your worst habit?
Probably googling Manatee's just to make myself physically sick. 
9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?
Argentina. I'm really good at Spanish it would work out really well. 
10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve?
Recently I am becoming more and more peeved off by strangers yelling at me on the street. I used to not mind because hey, if you are that creepy to make sexual comments to a passing 18 year old then that is your prerogative mate. But recently it's been happening maybe 4 times a day and the level of creepy is at an all time high. Keep it in your pants brotha.
11. Who knows you the best?
I'm very secretive and sneaky to a weird extent (seriously these are the texts my Dad sends me? )

So I would say nobody knows me that well honestly but who knows me the best? My exboyfriend on a good day maybe.
12. What after school activities did you do in high school?
I was more of a oh cool it's 2:45 pm? I'M OUT! Kind of gal. 
13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive?
I was voted Best Dressed and City Bound in my yearbook....Still a little bummed I missed out on Most Likely to marry Justin Timberlake and live happily ever after.
14. What’s the last book you really loved?
Huckleberry Finn. My ex-boyfriend even bought me my own copy called Jordyberry Finn. It's literally the same book but with my name substituted for Huck, that is how much I liked Huckleberry Finn.
16. What’s been your favorite age so far?
18. It was both my best and worst age all at once. I learned so much about myself  and went so hard that all the other years kind of just fail in comparison though.
17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Don't live with people you find on Craigslist. 
18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it?
Motherhood. My children are going to be awesome, I wouldn't want to starve the world of that. On another note if I have a daughter, I'm sending her to an all girls boarding school in Siberia. #boysonly. (If my future daughter finds and reads this...LOVE YOU HONEY! Clean your room....)
19. Apologize or ask permission?
20. Unlimited love or money?
Money. What the heck is unlimited love? Unlimited prositutes because that is the only thing I can possibly imagine. My love already is unlimited so you can go shave your back now.
21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?
Fly to Casey Affleck, make out with him. 
22. What’s your most listened to song?
At the moment  Just a friend by Biz Markie. I have no idea why, it's just my jam at the moment. 
23. Beach vacation or European vacation?
Beach vacation. I'm not about siteseeing vacations...I'm about sticking my butt in the sand and not moving for a pretty much what I do now...but with sand. 
25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?
Fill a room with money and Scrooge McDuck.
26. What celebrity would you trade lives with?
Lucy Lui. I'm currently obsessed with Elementary, and that lady has some amazing hair and my life long pursuit to be Asian and perfect would be achieved
27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?
"Don't listen to this because I have no musical talent and it's probably shit."
28. What story do your friends still give you crap about?
I can't think of anything off the top of my head? My family on the other hand like to constantly remind me of the time I thought a hairbrush came out of my ear when I was like 8....
30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?
Nobody. Stay the fuck away from my shit, I'll come to you.
31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far?

Whatever age I was when my brother threw a dart into my leg while I was trying to flirt with his friends. #cockblock
33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?
Ron Weasley- We are both whiney, ginger, brats who suck at magic.
35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?
The Simpsons. My brothers and I watched it religiously at least once a day until my youngest brother told my step-mum to "bite his shiny metal ass" (Futurama quote...not Simpsons but we lost them both) and they got banned from our house. 
36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person?
Nothing particularly weird...I like Facial Hair-That's all. Donkey? Ew. Donkey with a beard? I'll consider it. 
40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?
42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible?
Big L..... As if that was even a question. pfft.
43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news?
I want to say yes, but I prefer to be blissfully unaware on most matters of importance purely so I can have zero opinion and not feel the need to school morons all day long.
44. What is the best present you’ve ever received?
Toss up. My Mum gave me life that was dope, but my Mum's best friend did give us a popcorn maker so you know....
45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life?
Is this what the world is coming to? Oh my goodness.....and yes. 
46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day?
Anybody who doesn't say touch themselves is obviously a dirty fucking liar.
48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you?
A man on the street today told me I had a sexy little mouth....I am normally very self conscious of how tiny my mouth is in comparison to my gigantic that was nice. 
49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view?
Tiny house somewhere with a view with the exception that the view has to be of a beach, and I get to live by myself in my own blissful beach paradise #hermitlife.
50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has?
We all know the answer to the question, "What is the name of Napolean's horse at the Battle of Waterloo?" 

K I'm bored, so you're probably dead.