Drunk Runner.

(Nothing to do with the tale, simply what I'm looking at as I write this....needed picture of something,Terrible blogger!)

I am constantly baffled by the things I do. I ask too many stupid questions, constantly pick the more treacherous path and oh, when I drink even slightly, I get destructive, annoying (see: That time in high school I repeatedly threw oversized jello shots at my friend until he got so mad he left) and turn into Usain Bolt.

Take last night for example, I had plans with a guy I barely knew and whilst I was eager to hang out with him, I couldn't let him think it was a legitimate date, so like any terrible human, I invited all my alcoholic friends and turned it into a night of binge drinking. One thing lead to the next and plot twist- wasted. It was nearing the time when my best friend/strung-out bartender (not a plot twist- We hung out one night, drugs on drugs on drugs) was about to cut me off due to my desire to lick any cheek I could find, and like clock work I ran away,giggling like a little school girl at how blatantly un-sneaky I was being. Like usual, I didn't get far before I saw my overzealous date behind me, so I did the next best thing. I hid.

"What the heck are you doing?" He asked as I giggled from my terrible hiding spot behind a large smoking gentleman who gladly concealed me.


"SHE DOES THIS!" My friend yelled as she jumped into a cab in the direction of her bed for the night,

"Just ignore her a second, she will come back."

So he did. Leaning on the roller door of an adjacent bodega, he bummed a light and stood his post waiting for me to appear. Whenever I do manage to appear after my Houdini act it's always the same, like an annoying joke that nobody finds hilarious; we give each other the customary annoyed nod, thank the lord I'm not crying and head off.

The moral of this story is: never date me, never get me drunk and if you do decide to forgo my previous warnings, never let me out of your site.

Now if you don't mind I am going to go and drown in the soup I have been craving for days! P-A-R-T-Y.

No comments:

Post a Comment