The best kind of days.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Have you ever dreaded something so much it made you physically ill? It's that one thing, the worst possible outcome to a situation. You know that eventually that time will come and as you wait for it your stomach knots and you quickly start mentally watching Forrest Gump to feel ok again? That gut wrenching wait ended for me today, and I was shocked with the outcome.

 I was supposed to be depressed, shed a tear and need hugs from all those willing, yet I felt amazing. It was the end I had been waiting for. It was as if a weight got lifted and as I stood in a grimy bar surrounded by swarms of tipsy strangers instead of feeling depressed like I had expected I felt elated.

I clicked off my phone and smiled at my friend as she gave me the oddest of looks.

"What is that face?"

"I just got the worst news and the best news all at once....I don't feel that was supposed to devastate me had zero effect....I'm oddly so happy I could scream."

Confused and happy banter occurred and now it is like I can finally think clearly. The elephant blocking the judgement segment of my murky and confused brain finally sprinted away.

I'm at a stage in my life where I'm stuck between where I was, and where I'm going. I'm in a nowhere space wandering around looking for substance. I don't know what I want or who I want or where I want to end up, and up until today this frightened me.

I'm at a place in my life where those around me have five year plans, are considering marriage and children and then there is me. Petrified by any type of commitment, committing my time to the most beautifully pointless of tasks with no real sense of true direction.

Yet, I can finally say I am happy here.

Instead of feeling like the hand of a compass frantically spinning desperate for direction, I feel like a four year old happily twirling until the world seesaws and I'm forced plonk down into the spot where destiny throws me.

Whether I stay in New York just that little while longer or I move on to bigger and better, is still a million pro/con lists away. But for right now, I'm completely content with who, what and where I got.

Terrible Blogger.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Recently I've been in a very weird place. In-between jobs, drinking too much, spending too much time with strange boys...typical things. With all the extra time normally taken up by work you would think I would have all the time in the world to would be wrong. It takes a lot of effort to wake up at 11 and watch TV until an appropriate time to start drinking.

Back to reality though, I am now employed again, have made a pact with myself and various friends (I think if I do it with a lot of people it may maybe?) to cut down drinking and boys and various other vices. It's long and boring but I even have a notebook! A NOTEBOOK! How can you fall out of line when you have a freakin' notebook?

Catch-Up List (Sucker for a list)-

I love you Emails/Phone Calls/Lunch Dates-
Recently I've noticed that I was in a bad place in terms of the people had in my life. I wasn't happy with who they made me or what they made me think. I missed who I was and had an epiphany (Sucker for Epiphanies) that I wanted to get back there and after some sound advice I wanted everyone I care about to know it. I got in contact with about a billion people to thank them, tell them I loved them, make a mends, you get the picture (I even emailed my old english teacher, it took me about 15 years because I had to keep proof reading, I didn't really want to remind him how grammar handicapped I was and for him to think he failed me!)The most special one though was a phone call that had me oddly reunited with my one time best friend, a friend that I lost over a stupid rumor started about me by someone I didn't even know. As cliche as it sounds it was as if a weight was lifted and I realize I needed to forgive, forget, and not let others dictate my little life. 

How could you not want it in your life?

I worked out what my favourite album of all time is-
It's Justified

I realize how much I rely on my parents- 
I always thought that as I grew up I would slowly need my parents less and less, I have now realized how ass backwards that thought was! I have come to realize that I don't know where the heck I would be without these guys, seriously, being a big bad grown up is overrated. I'm gonna be a Mummy's/Daddy's gal fo lyf.

One of my best friends turned 21 and I cried at the beginning of the end!-

Hello 8th grade please go back in your hole. 

Happy Birthday! I'm not sure about many things in my life, or life in general for that matter but one thing I do know is that I'm going to be friends with this one for a very long time. Have we had the perfect friendship? Far from it, we had a pretty big falling out over the years in fact but after almost 9 years of friendship she is kind of stuck with me now.Old Orchard Beach 2078? I'll see you there gal.

I topless bonded with my roommates- 
The other night my roommates and I sat on the kitchen floor at 3 am and had a little chat where the word pussy was used way too much and I was 99% sure I was an inch away from throwing up. I was topless, my other roommate was pantless and someone invited the "King of Psychedelics" aka our little couch gremlin aka the WORST PERSON IN THE HUMAN RACE (Seriously Kevin I DARE you to bring him here again...yah feel me?)

Can you tell I'm really struggling to think of things? It's either pointless and boring (aka I watched a whole season of Gilmore Girls last week?) or too x-rated for something my mother reads (aka I've been getting a large influx of dick pics recently aka NO! ....I literally laugh, show them to my roommate for him to freak out about and then delete stop!)

Well alas I'm all out of stories but I'm going to try to get on some form of blogging roll, if only for my mothers sanity.