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#lifefacts

Saturday, October 24, 2015



Many things in life are a given: Every day the sun will rise in the east, rum and ginger beer will always be the ultimate duo, an offering of burritos should always be accepted with a smile and it will always be absolutely impossible to keep a pack of drunk girls out of a photo booth.
Tune in next time for more words of wisdom from me...

...Jordan Turner...
...life guru.


Monday Man.

Monday, October 12, 2015



Tonight I had a momentary lapse of judgement.

I'm not sure what came over me, one minute I was binge watching Law and Order and the next minute I was scrolling through Reformation before my world went black. It felt like only a second and I'm not sure how it happened but suddenly I was awoken from my daze by my phone lighting up across the room, confirmation emails displayed across the screen as hundreds of dollars seeped out of my bank account....

I'm weak. 

Online shopping, you will be the death of me.





Life is a mess.

Saturday, October 10, 2015


I would like to start this post with a personal apology to all those people who are irritated with a humans inability to properly film with an iPhone. I am one of those humans. I have not mastered the art of turning my phone sideways to properly capture the random snippets of generally drunken life that I think deserve to be caught on film. I apologize.

And with that I present to you....a bunch of random clips I found in my video folder on my phone #Imaproblogger.





Fact #1: I'm quick to punch a bitch in the vergina.



Fact #2: I love chicken mcnuggets.



Fact #3: I love Alex.



Fact #4: I'm so accustomed to sibling abuse that I don't even challenge it anymore, just simply ask for some warning so I can put my food down first. 



Fact #5: Getting sunburnt is a great form of weightloss because sometimes it causes you to shed 45 pounds of skin. 



Fact #6: I have a very predominant chicken pox scar I mean look at that thing.



Fact #7: Equality! *Intro to Time of Your Life starts playing*



Fact #8: I'm in an abusive siblingship with my brother. Send Help. 



Fact #9: I love Melanie because she shares my passion for listening to disney music when she thinks nobody is around.



Fact #10: It's important to stay humble and take time out of your day to thank the fans.



Fact #11: New Zealand sheep are cleaner than American sheep.



Fact #12: I can't fit a lot of cheese balls in my mouth.



Fact #13: Peace is everything.



Fact #14: I'm not listening when you speak because I'm too busy staring at my reflection.