Blue.

Today I woke up feeling crummy.

I'm not sure if this is a common thing but sometimes I find that if I sleep too late or I happen to have a particular type of dream it can kind of ruin my day from the beginning. Today, the latter happened. It wasn't a nightmare or a terrible dream, it was a really good dream in fact. It was an ideal world, and when I woke up and that world disappeared from reality, it bummed me out.

I lay in bed for a second, staring at my window and I was miserable.

What is that Dr. Seuss quote?

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

This quote always kind of aggravated me because it signified that all a person truly dreams of is love. I can't speak for everyone but I'm a naturally boy crazy person and even I dream of love very little. So let's imagine this was a more general statement, a statement about happiness in yourself as opposed to love....well I felt the polar opposite this morning.

I couldn't wake up because my dreams were far more attractive than reality.

This is sounding far more bleak than I imagined....

I wasn't in a vortex of internal misery, I was just bummed out and I haven't been able to shake it all day.

When I have a day like this I feel as if my eyes are truly open in the worst way. For example  I have a friend, once a very close friend, who I've slowly been trying to distance myself from. I don't agree with who he is, or how he acts anymore. It's not even as though he is truly changing, in actuality, I am changing. He makes choices I can't support and therefore don't want to be apart of, yet at the end of the day that is still a friend lost. I make these type of realizations on my dark days.

I'm rambling now....as usual.

Now in pure Jordyn fashion I'm going to go and lock myself away. I think running with dreams of the beach in my head, dejunking my apartment and Fiona Apple may be what it takes to shift this funk.

Sidenote: I'm obsessed with haunting songs. I like when a song freaks me out a little. It reminds me of the time I was 4-6 years old and I was in the car with my family hearing Maxwell Silver Hammer (one of my favourite songs to this date) and it honestly gave me night terrors for weeks. I like that feeling. This song creeps me out. I love this song.