Paranoia

You know the saying, "Innocent until proven guilty?" I have a similar saying, "Everyone's a rapist until proven otherwise." Ok, so to be fair it isn't exactly similar at all, but just follow along. 

I don't know what it is inside of me but something deep down in there just automatically expects the worst in any given situation. Car slows down next to me as I am walking? Rapist. Knock on the door? Someone coming to abduct my entire family. Neighbors yelling? Murder. Which is what happened this morning.

There I was all rugged up in the safety of my beloved Red Sox blanket, in a distant dreamland thinking about all the beautiful things in life (Lie: I actually had a dream I had my own pizza shop, sucked), When I was woken up by a loud bang. Now, when I saw woken up I mean I jumped probably a good foot off the bed and swung my leg out kicking a glass of Orange Juice flying off my night stand. After cursing that I would now have to get up to get more Oj, I was interrupted by yelling from the apartment on the other side of my bedroom wall. I couldn't make out any of what was being said, but it was said so loudly and aggressively I knew someone was going to die. Ok, I didn't know someone was going to die, I just really thought that was a strong possibility.

I don't know why but my mind automatically expects the worst in situations just like this one. I blame the media aka my addiction to Law and Order: SVU. An addiction that only last night caused me to almost burst into tears as I ran up my apartment stairs in the dark due to a blown bulb.Did I mention not only am I paranoid I'm also a big baby?

One day I hope to be able to see a white van without jumping to the rapist conclusion, or not to assume their has been a fatal car crash when someone is ten minutes late to meet me, but until then I'm going to wander the streets paranoid out of my mind.