Motherhood is hard.

Firstly, can we take a moment for this video please? I watch the Shaytards everyday. For those unaware of what exactly a "shaytard" is, essentially they are a family who have daily vlogged for the last 5 years, and essentially I love them....essentially. Whenever I try and explain how much I love them, I literally spend 45 minutes on a tangent of "I cried so hard..." "Oh my god it was so cute!"...it's bordering on pathetic. I have given them 10-30 minutes of my life every day for the last 4.5 years....where was I going with this? What's going on? Who am I? I don't remember. Just watch this video and try not to cry at how adorably precious this is!

The whole time I watched it all I could think was dang I want a cute adorable child to do cute and adorable things! This obviously subsided pretty quickly because I'm too much of a little baby, alcoholic, sloppy, hot mess to even joke about these things for a good few years! Then I wandered on over to Thought Catalogue and this article popped up entitled 101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters and it got me thinking that one day I may have a little daughter who starts off precious and slowly grows into said 21 year old hot mess and now I'm incredibly worried for her....so I made her a list of the things she should know...based on my own hot mess life.

*disclaimer: I don't actually want daughters*

*disclaimer #2: I should probably stop vocalizing that all over the internet just in case I do have one in the future and she thinks I hate her.*

*disclaimer #3: I'm sorry honey, I'm sure you are great.*

*disclaimer #4: Is your dad George Clooney by any chance?*

*disclaimer #5: Is it awkward having such a hot dad?*

Dear Darling Daughter,

Always remember...

• You are never too cool to do anything. 

• Speak truthfully, but don't use being honest as an excuse to be a bitch.

• Don't hide the school lunches you didn't eat in your closet....seriously, that's really weird. Don't do that. 

• Always speak from a good place.

• Don't lead a guy on, regret it, insist on sleeping in the hallway (?) and then get mad when next time you hang out he doesn't try anything and instead gives you a blanket for the couch...seriously pull it together. 

• Don't take your good friendships for granted. When you find a friend who stays up all night watching bad TV, thinks you are the funniest person ever, brings you food, listens when you speak, loves you even though you are kind of a crazy, hot, mess...don't let him/her go...in fact...potentially just marry that person and call it a day!

• Make an effort.

• Don't be afraid to let people in.

• Be inspired. 

• Don't do water fasts, juice cleanses, or any other form of "make me skinny" torture that will make you hate yourself and harm your relationship with bagels.

• Work hard: at friendships, jobs, relationships, school...everything, always.

• Don't be too mad when your brother wouldn't talk to you for long periods of time because his "phone is broken" or he is "working all the time" or he "forgot"....it's in his blood....permission to kick his ass: granted.

• Don't leave everything until the last minute (although if you are my child, you have a natural ability to fall on your feet and pass that test...so you are freakin' welcome!)

• Don't fall asleep in the woods, cramped up on an armchair with a boy you went to high school with....mosquito bites aren't cute and you have work in the morning. 

• Throw wild parties...but don't throw them in my house! Instead, just break into rich peoples houses while they are out of town...I'm kidding...ok fine, but clean up....ok I'm really kidding....but, don't get caught....ok but really don't.....but be safe.

• If you are going to do anything dangerous or slutty...don't tell me about it....but be safe.

• Skip class to go to the beach every once in a while....but be safe.

• Stay away from drugs and whiskey. Individually or together....and be safe.

• Get your wild party girl lifestyle out of the way early...then get your shit together.

• Save money.

• Don't date rappers.

• Don't date athletes.

• Befriend the party photographers...seriously just get on their good side. 

• Don't compare your lifestyle to that of your daughter-of-a-billionaire-friend...you will cry.

• Always keep in mind that people are too busy worrying about there own shit to notice you falling down the subway stairs, but still get up really quickly because that's gross, you are lying in a bums urine. up, up, up.

• Go and do it. Whatever it is...do it. Unless we are talking about sex, then don't always do it. The heroin addict bartender? Don't do that. Backpack through Europe? Do That! 

• Don't live with people you meet online.

• Trust your heart.

• Let people love you.

• Call your Mum.

I'm starting a relationship with Cool Ranch Doritos...nobody can stop me!

My ex-boyfriend is in town which means I can't be *cue little baby Jordyn hiding under her covers on a Saturday night*. Firstly, No! Technically I don't have to be hidden, but we are in a very weird little space and since we run in literally almost the exact same circle, I would rather just not entertain the idea. Honestly I'm not all too bummed about my night, as previously mentioned I quite enjoy my own company.

In fact I have spent my night clicking away editing my book, eating chocolate covered gummy bears and listening to Harry Connick Jr's Christmas album....sorted!

Oh and watching my roommate shampoo his feet.

You think I'm joking?

Another weird little corner of my world at the moment is Buddhism.

Hear me out.

I have never been a religious person. It has never been a part of my life, my family have never practiced any kind and honestly I never really felt it to be necessary. Recently though I'm kind of altering that idea. The idea of organized religion scares me. It can go from good to bad in 2.3 seconds,I'm not sure I believe in all that is said, it can be used to spread hatred and unnecessary judgement but something I have always liked about it was what it did for those who believe in it.

Those who know me know that I have been following the Shaytard's vlogs on Youtube for four years now and I'm kind of obsessed. Put simply, they are a family of 7 (after welcoming a little boy just a few weeks back...I cried, or more correctly put bawled my freakin' eyes out!) who make 10-20 minute videos of their every day life. They are so happy and optimistic with every single aspect of their life that they have changed my outlook on a lot of things. A huge aspect of their life is their faith which in this case happens to be Mormonism. Although I don't believe in the same faith they do, I truly admire how they use it to shape their lives and I felt like this was a light bulb, aha! moment for me.

This is how I fell into Buddhism. Firstly, I wouldn't consider myself a Buddhist. I think my lack of knowledge on the subject would greatly insult those who did identify as such, but it is definitely something I am beginning to love.

I love how humanistic it is. It puts you in control of your own destiny, your successes and failures are completely up to you. You decide your own happiness! I think that is a very important aspect of life, I think as humans we spend too long thinking about what others think about us when in all actuality they are too busy worrying about what others think of them to really have time to care (I mean that in the least depressing way possible!)

And on that note,

Happy.

I am a product of my environment. When I am around negativity, I sink and when I am around people who are at the core of it all amazing people, I sail. As I've grown (although yesterday I was told that I was born 40...potentially insulting?) I've really come to understand what and who I need in my life. It's cliche and overdone, but when I'm in a bad mood 9 times out of 10 it is because I was around someone who was in a bad mood, and when I'm happy it was because I was in the presence of someone who put me there. It is almost scary to put that much power in to another's hands, but it helps to be surrounded by some glorious people.

Today for example I had lunch with someone who I consider an old friend. A person who has been in my life for only two years now, yet has somehow made it seem like forever. He is the only person I have found who will stay up all night watching 7th Heaven with me, he saw me through one of my darkest times and he is someone I would love to know, even if not closely, forever. Life and the happenings of a busy city caused us to drift apart but within a second of being around him today I was reminded of why I keep him so close to my heart.

People like Calvin are the people who matter to me. People who are loved by all those around them, not because of what they have or do, but because they are just internally nice. They care about other people, and are wholeheartedly interested in others happiness. They're people who make me want to go out and be happy, do things I want to do, eat a freakin' vitamin! Anything that is intrinsically good, they make me want it.

I'm obviously rambling now, I just feel obnoxiously excited for life. I'm excited for new opportunities gurgling on down the pipe, I'm excited for everything and being around someone who is such a pumpkin has only pumped me up that much more.

Oh and whilst I wrote this I ate a muffin! Muffins make me happy too!

Other things that make me happy-

Yellow Tea Cups- I don't remember how it came about. But I specifically remember going in to great detail about how much I love them to my stepmother one afternoon. They just make me oddly happy. 

Tulips- They remind me of my Grandma and the time in my life where we went to the Botanic Garden all the time just to see them. One of my first memories, and possibly one of my best.

Musicals- I've been a musical lover since before I could talk, much to the utter hatred of my older brother. In addition to this....watching Western Musicals with my Dad is also on the list.

Tradition- Just ask any of the friends I have dragged to Old Orchard Beach every year, I'm a complete sucker for it. You will thank me when we are 80!

The Shaytards- A Mormon family who have video blogged every single day of their lives for the past 4 years now. I watch them every single day without fail, my mother and most friends find this hysterical.  www.youtube.com/user/SHAYTARDS