This honestly makes no sense but I'm too lazy to edit it: A memoir.

One of the guys I work with is convinced we are supposed to be in love. He is a good looking, perfectly normal, hilarious guy and I just want to shake him and be like, You are a fool! I am fucking crazy. Run away. but instead I continue to let him think I'm normal and perfect and overly enjoy the fact that he talks about how I would be the perfect girlfriend or jokes about how amazing I am and how well we would go together all the time. He will learn....or he wouldn't. Oh well, poor thing.

Anyway.

Last night I had the most brilliant idea.

I had plans to go and stay with a friend in Midtown but instead of bringing my purse, I would simply bring my house keys, $2.50 for a train ticket to said friends house and my workout gear. Then in the morning I would have no option but to run all the way home, and collect my other clothes later.

This morning I was so pissed I decided to do that.

It took everything in my power to not beg anybody who would listen for enough money to get home, or to simply jump the turnstiles but alas, I sucked it up.

Past Jordyn and I are no longer talking...but honestly it is probably for the best because what kind of sane person has casual chats with their past self.

Lucky for Present Jordyn (or I guess she too is now past Jordyn...how meta) I got home by 10am and had a few hours to simply lay about on my roof getting my bronze slightly less white on.

Now, bone to pick because I'm very mad about a recent development. The other day I woke up to the smell of fresh cut grass, and it honestly confused the heck out of me because this is New York City, there isn't exactly an abundance of grass laying around. A few hours later whilst wandering around my bedroom casually naked, I realized they had cut down the tree outside my window that kept me safe from my creepy neighbor. I hung a sheet up in front of my window to stop him from watching me change but I can't exactly sun tan in a tent, so he has full view of me sunbathing....the joys of urban living. I have named him Harold and sometimes I wave just so he knows it's real.

Also, big ups to this lame bronzing something something intensifier something and this lame Kiwi Strawberry concoction. One, for making me as bronze as some tan ass koala or whatever kind of lies you tell me because damn it I am Australian, I shouldn't need this stuff and the other for being 99c. 

Now on a completely unrelated topic, I am quite fond of this graffiti. Mainly because I see it whenever I'm on my roof which only happens in the summer and even though I forget about it most of the year when I see it I'm like,

Ah, here we are again. Wow has it been a whole year since last summer?....Another year is gone. Oh my god, what have I done with my life in the last 12 months. Oh my god....oh my god....oh wait, roof says relax. Thanks Roof Graffit, I almost panicked there. 

 This other graffiti I found today also spoke to me....it was a little more hostile.

I am ready for my vacation now.

Summer in New York is only bareable when you don't have to physically do anything all day (this picture was taken this morning...I have since left my apartment...I stand by that first statement)

New York I don't know how you managed to make me hate my favourite season, but congrats. You made an Australian hate summer.

Also, I really miss Australia recently. Whenever I get into a conversation with someone about it, I always leave with the same question.

Australia is my home, I think it's the greatest country in the world....yet I choose not to live there?

I confuse myself.

Oh well, here is a picture of me with some balloons I made a stranger by me the other day. That stranger and I have a date tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I'm in *love with him already.

*Not real human love..."Jordyn love" where I obsess over cute people who *buy me things

*that was a joke! You don't need to buy me things!...but I mean I will take some *cupcakes

*I prefer doughnuts  

P.S. Oh actually doughnuts or just buy me tattoos for my birthday. Thanks strangers.

Pale and proud (No but really, make me tan)

We have officially reached my least favourite time of the year. I have loving labeled said time, "Yay it's summer...fakey no it's not...wait it's summer!...noo -20 degrees?....Wait no it's summer....oh look it's snowing."

Ok fine, it's a little wordy but it's a work in progress.

Luckily for me though,I'm really good at not giving a hoot.

Who is that confused girl wearing a summer dress and a wool coat? Why are her pale legs flapping in the breeze, yet her toes are still firmly planted in winter boots?

I call it blissfully confused.

Now to aid in the bliss, it's quesadilla and margarita time! 

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

(Ok fine, I actually had my first margarita at lunch today...this really is an amazing holiday!)