Give it a year.

When I was younger I made a lot of big decisions on impulse. I lived in a constant bubble of "the grass is always greener" and no matter where I was I constantly pined for what I didn't have. When I was 11 my mother moved myself and my brother away from our home in Australia and settled in the USA, which gave me two homes, and a lot of options. I pin-balled between homes for a few years, even making the move to the other side of the country along the way. No matter where I was it seemed I wasn't content.

Now that I'm older and wiser (debatable) I still have those same unsettling thoughts that maybe I'm not in the right place, or doing the right thing but the wiser element of the equation has made a huge difference. Instead of biting the bullet whenever my mood shifts, I now have, what I like to call, a one-year-to-get-my-shit-together-plan.

For example, last January I went home to Australia for a month of sun, free alcohol and nothingness with my family, and at the time it was exactly what I needed. I needed to get out of New York, and be surrounded by people I loved and cared about. The flip side of this was that as soon as I returned to my apartment, I had this longing to be as far away from it as possible. Younger Jordyn would have begged to come home, forget this rotten American life and move away. Older Jordyn gave herself one year. A year to devote all my time to figuring out if New York was the place for me, get a new job, meet new people...get my life together!


Along the way, I decided that New York probably wasn't the place for me. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I have been a big girl on my own in this city since about a week after I turned 18. I've had a lot of amazing experiences here, I have great people here....but something is missing. On the flip side, I started to question if moving home to Australia was the best alternative.

I love my family more than anything and every time I go home to find that my four year old brother is now pushing 6' (now over 6'....I get it Matthew!) is rough. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot, and as someone who values relationships over experiences, it's a hard pill to swallow. Time isn't infinite and the thought of something happening to anybody whilst I'm so far away will never be an easy thought, but since I was 11 this is my life. I'm spread out, bi-continental, and that's just the way it is (things will never be the sammmmmme)

I have constantly had a list of places I wanted to live. I remember telling my step-mum at the age of about ten that I wanted to live in London, I love the idea of living in Nashville where everybody just seems nicer, or Seattle, or Sydney.

My only hesitation? I don't want to get lost in the whirlwind of looking to greener pastures in my past. I want to know for sure, not that where I'm moving is necessarily the place for me, but more importantly that I'm not leaving a place I belong. Yes, going back is always an option, but who wants to go backwards in a life that keeps hurtling forwards?

That is where my year plan comes back in. After a year of thought and action, I have decided that moving back to Australia isn't the right game plan right now, but recently I have had California on the brain. So what now? I give it a year. I live my life with the idea that next January, California will be my home. I budget and look towards that, and ultimately decide if it's for me.

Right now, nothing seems more right... but a lot can change in a year.

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