This life ain't so bad.

I write a lot about a crossroads, constant epiphanies and life plans. I write a lot about where I'm going and who I'm going with, about what I want to be and who I am. I write about moments of elation and day long happiness. I write about blurs and grey periods, I write about frustrations with where I'm at and where I want to be. I write...a lot.

Recently I've been feeling a lot of sadness. I often find myself feeling many things...confused, optimistic, joyous or lost...but rarely sad...but it is at that moment when I am reminded that the best part about putting my life in words is that they are always there to read later, to give me hope and put me back on track...

After reading a lot of my scribblings in the endless diaries and journals I possess, I came to a realization.  You can point your finger at every single person but at the end of the day, you are the author. Your life is your own, it is for you and if there is a problem ultimately it is your fault.

Not because you are the cause, but because you are not being the resolution.

If you are unhappy with where you are? Go somewhere else.

If you are frustrated by the people you surround yourself with? Find some new people....(people that respect you....people who actually care about who you are, what you want out of life...people who listen when you speak....oh sorry...tangent... where was I again?)

That's where I am.

Well at least that is where I'm trying to be...

Oh, also on my to do list? Find pale friends!

Life is lovely.

Today I deposited $200 more dollars in my "Move to California, buy many pugs and a Mini Cooper" fund...it made me really happy. So happy that for the last 20 minutes I have been sitting here writing a list of the other things that make me just as happy. I do this sort of thing a lot, because a lot of things piss me off so it's nice to zero in on the other side of things.

This is what I've got so far...

Lists.
They are beautiful 

Calling people dream boats
...mainly my friend Olivia. She is a dreamboat.

Eating lots of food, but then quickly drinking soda so you can burp out some air and make room for more food....
All Class. 

Donuts.
My friend Brandon's favourite donut is a stale, crusty, plain donut....that is how good they are! That people still love them when they are old,boring and stale. 


When you are in a public place, surrounded by loads of drunk strangers (bonus points if they are old drunk strangers) and everybody is super messy and fun, and suddenly you are all old friends.
"Oh my god Bryan! Jordyn did you hear what Bryan just said? God that is so Bryan." -Katie Decantur talking about her new BFF Bryan (real name not Bryan).

Don't Worry Baby by The Beach Boys
I just like it, man.

Arriving on the platform just as your train pulls in
Bonus points if it is an express train.

Sincere compliments.
An elderly lady stopped me on the street the other day to ask for directions and she told me I looked like a "perfect little european doll"...I'm not sure what that meant, but I'll take it. 

Hearing Australian accents.
Specifically Australian women's accents. I have narrowed this down to the fact that when I was younger I was soothed by Australian voices, and therefore find them naturally calming. I remember being stuck on a shuttle bus at LAX airport after a 12 hour flight delay and hearing an Australian lady talking in the corner of the crowded bus just made me feel better. 

My own jokes.
I honestly crack myself up. Like I'm my own biggest fan, the other day I made a joke to myself at like 2 in the morning whilst I was lying in bed and I laughed for like 20 minutes.

"Hello" from The Book of Mormon.
Mormonism fascinates me.  So much so that I'm actually reading The Book of Mormon...the actual religious book, not the play but I do know every word to every song in the play.....I'm cool, I swear. 

Outgoing children with no filter who talk to you about literally anything.
I suffered from intense shyness as a child, so much so that I used to crawl around on the floor when my mum had friends over to avoid being seen and I used to cry whenever people sung Happy Birthday to me, so I like this quality. Yesterday a girl came up to me, whilst I waited for the train and said, "You're really tall...." and just walked away and I thought it was awesome.

Cranking the AC and snuggling up under covers in the middle of a nauseatingly hot summer.
Things that don't make me happy: my electricity bill.

Words.
I really like words, particular words....like nauseated and pretentious....and soliloquy...

Babies with really fat legs.
I mean, it's pretty self explanatory really....

Bloody Mary's.
I'm just all about them at the moment....it's a snack, and a drink...what's not to like!

Having my shit together.
Well I mean I'm sure I'll like it...some day...when I have it together...maybe...

Falling in love.

Some people say I fall in love too easily. I give my heart to anyone (or anything) that will love me in return and can often be found going boggle eyed over every hot new celebrity. Not only do I fall in love too easily, but some would think I fall in love too often. I can't seem to let a day flutter by without arriving on the other side awe struck at how I could have lived my life without (enter name here).

But I don't care.

When I love something I give it my all, and that is why I am writing this very post. I'm writing it as a substitute for screaming my love from all the rooftops and into every gorge.

I love you Chocolate Croissant! It may not be forever, heck I may have a new love by lunch time! But right now in this very moment you are my everything.

The Secret to Success is dressing for it.....

I am queen of the messy-don't-give-a-fuck hair....but I am also the queen of the overkill. I swear a deep adoration of red lipstick, fancy dresses and sky scraper high heels is programmed into my weird white girl soul, much to my friends dismay. I often find myself the butt of all the jokes, "Nice tutu," my friends often mutter as I prance around the streets in a petticoated, pink number. "Oh this must be your glass," they chuckle handing me my lipstick stained mug. I get weird glances wherever I go (again, noticed not by myself but always my friends) whether it be on the subway, on the street or my favourite dive bars (Who would have thought the girl in the ball gown loved Pickle chips so much!)

 But you know what, I often find that a pretty dress makes for a better day. 

"I thought of you when I was getting dressed this morning!" My Coworker commented this morning pointing at her maxi dress.

"RIGHT! Don't you feel like you just strut a little more?"

"YES!" She exclaimed....see! Someone gets it!

I don't care how many weird looks I get from strangers on the street, I'll be dressing up in hell.

Except on Mondays...I don't fuck with Mondays.

The Men of Manhattan: Max

Max

Something every New Yorker knows about the busy, underground metal snakes full of crazy (see: The Subway) is that it's always best to keep your head down, eye contact with the wrong person can get you killed in this city! (joking, come visit us we would love to have you.)

This is where I differ from the average New Yorker.

I spend my morning commutes hidden behind a pair of oversized sunnies looking around the train studying the diversity that is crammed in all around me. If I catch the eye of a cute child or adorable suit-wearing gentleman, I transform from average New York to average Human being and I naturally throw them a smile. That is how I met Max.

There I was daintily leaning against the pole poised and perfectly composed in my wedges whilst some classical melody swam along my headphones and danced into my ear (see: clumsy mess, swaying ungracefully all over the train juggling a heavy purse whilst blasting Big L into my brain). When an unfortunate jolt of the metal bullet hurtled me toward two members of the ever present NYPD. 

"OH MY GOSH!" I squeaked through scrunched eyes. 

"Easyyyy...." I opened my eyes and smiled sweetly at the man I had moments ago used as landing pad.

"I'm so sorry..." I was met with a smile and after glancing around the train I noticed that everybody was still in their typical New York pose, "See something, look straight ahead and don't say shit!"

"Wow a smile, you must not be from New York," He whispered trying not to alarm the angry mob surrounding us.

"Not until recently, my heart still has some soul left in it..." We smiled and two stops later he pushed his card into my hand before departing the train with his cackling partner.

The moral of this story: Be kind to strangers and you can meet an amazing guy who will go to the other end of town at 3am so you can get your beloved Mango Margarita's or who loves Sunday brunch almost as much as you do. 

As fast as it started though, it was over. He wanted something I didn't have to give him and I wanted something taller and with a better taste in Waffle toppings. 

I guess Big L was right maybe I do have no love for city cops.