Help!

 I've recently become obsessed with the The Beatles. The music has always been appreciated simply because I have ears and I think the rest is history, but as of late I've become more and more fascinated with the men behind it.

It all stemmed from a dream I had, and somehow melted in to me just watching documentary after documentary, interview after interview. It's quite sad really as it has kind of cut into my Harry Styles obsession but hey there is plenty of crazy to go around!

The last interview I watched was a recent interview with Ringo Starr, where he basically spoke for ten minutes about how he really is the luckiest person in the world. It's no secret that he was far from the best drummer in the world, yet it's what he loved and it's what he got to spend his entire life doing. He spoke about being a musician and thanked his lucky stars (pun intended) that he gets to call it a career for he has never truly had to work a day in his life.

I want that.

Well I mean...not the drumming or the fame...but the obsession, the love of ones job. I want to love something so much that it doesn't feel like work. I don't want to choose whether I live to work or work to live, I don't want it to matter because I want my work to be a part of me as cliche as it seems.

I could watch JK Rowling talk about Harry Potter all day. She loves what she has created, she knows every single facet. She is obsessed.

I want to be obsessed.

Even on the mundane level, even if my love is something as simple as working in an office for the rest of my life, I want to find it.

I like my job right now, but it's simply a stepping stone on cobbled path and I'm dying to get to the destination.

I know they say you shouldn't wish your life away, but if we could speed up the discovery, or at least give me some kind of road map on how to get there my deepening frown lines and frustrated tear ducts would really appreciate the break.

21 is hard.

The most interesting woman in the world.

Is it too cliche to complain about winter?

Because I am really at my breaking point with winter.

I'm ready to regain feeling in my extremities, and the perpetual hot mess in me is extremely ready for the sidewalks to be something other than giant slabs of ice for me to bust face on. I could continue for days, nitpicking ever minor detail of winter I dislike....but I'll save you the time...to be fair, winter isn't my only concern.

Weather in New York is the worst.

Sure, those few short weeks of fall and spring are quite lovely...but for 87% of the year, the weather is quite awful. Too hot and crowded or too cold and well....hellish.

You can't win them all it seems, New York has many wonderful things but alas, weather will never be one of them.

My dad constantly tells me that when all you can talk about is the weather you have a problem, it's the default small talk so with that in mind I must quickly segue away.

I'm way too interesting to be talking about the weather...

I bought a coloring book the other day...

Don't judge me! I've been dealing with a lot of indoor snow storm time....aaaaand we are back on the weather.

Ok fine, the word "interesting" is relative.

Haters.

Cold.

It's still snowing

and I am still sad.

 I made a little icy friend

but she melted.

 It's a mean world.

Blizzard Watch 2k15

Baby Blizzard

I'm writing this from the confinements of my own bed as the blizzard of 2015 begins to work it's magic. My job just informed me that we will be closed today and it is at this very moment I regret the fact that I probably should have stocked up on some kind of food supplies...or booze supplies...

But alas, the fact that I'm only a fake adult has reared it's ugly head and I have like two bags of popcorn, a jar of vegemite and a bottle of presecco.

Blizzard Thoughts

• It worries me how numb we are to homeless people. Sometimes I feel we forget that they aren't scenery, that is an actual person laying on ice cold concrete in the middle of January, surrounded by bustling business men huffing and turning down their noses at the giant fleshy obstacle that they dismiss as barely human.

• I find it weird how skinny a man's legs can be. How do they support themselves? Like I feel like my thighs balance out my body, making me so much more sturdy....I've thought about this a lot. 

• I don't like when people refer to Amanda Bynes as their "Spirit Animal." Finding humor in another persons very public downward decent is worrying at best.

• I crave the simplicity of 12. If I had known life would grow to be anything but friendship bracelets, candy stomach aches and Friday night scary movie binge-fests with my girlfriends I would have spent a little more time savoring it and a little less time dreaming of adulthood.

• It scares me how easily I fall in love with strangers. A guy came into my store yesterday accompanied by his giant bear of a dog and I swear I could have married him and that dog right there...well I could have once he got a divorce from the wife he was gift shopping for of course...

• I have an addiction to devoting hours of time reading the plots of horror movies on Wikipedia. Horror movies have some great twists and turns but normally I'm too busy covering my little coward face to really pay much attention and I miss it, this is a great/incredibly lame and anti-climatic alternative!

• It makes me happy how many good people there are in the world. I think it's easy to focus on the negative, heck it's what we are confronted with all day every day but it seems much harder to remember it isn't all awful. Yesterday for example I had just purchased a new metro card (That is a $104 for all you non-New Yorkers who aren't regularly robbed by the MTA) and as I wandered away from the turnstiles and shoved it in my pocket in a rush, it slipped out of jacket and floated away. I was unaware of this. I simply sped along the platform, headphones in, completely zoned out. It was then I felt a tap on my shoulder from a man I recognized as the guy behind me in the metro card line, a man who had seen how much I put on my metro card, stood out of breath with my card in his hands. 

         "I bet you would want to keep this." He said with a smile before turning, and waving as he walked away. It's the little things. Be nice to people man.

• Let's not call Australia, Aussie-land. I just think Aussie-land sounds so lame, and it's like, why would you do such an amazing place an injustice like that? #respect 

• Zayn Malik from One Direction is beautiful. Like I'm a Harry girl fo' lyf but I think it's important to give credit where it is due. I remember meeting him way back in 2011 when he came into my job in Times Square and I want to make a personal apology for not paying any attention to how beautiful that face is #nodisrespecttobenaffleck. 

I'm literally talking out of my ass at this point.

#blizzardwatch

Australia Day.

(Margaret River '04)

Dear Australia,

I love you bitch....

I ain't gone never stop loving you....

....bitch.

xoxo

2015

January is more than halfway over so I believe it's time for me to start committing to change this year.   For the last few years I haven't been overly happy with my situation. I've mentioned it before, a constant feeling of dishevelment that I can't seem to shake. I feel as if everyone around me has their lives together in every sense of the word and I can't even master one little portion. I used to mask this with constant movement. If I was always out... busy... intoxicated, I never had time to truly reflect on how much I wasn't actually doing. I've since ramped up my flakiness and have been spending a lot less time on my distractions, allowing me to mentally grow the fuck up and realize that I can actually make progress at any time....I just have to kind of...well...do it.

So that's what I'm doing...I'm doing it....

Whatever the heck "it" is...well I'll figure that bit out later.