Blue.

Today I woke up feeling crummy.

I'm not sure if this is a common thing but sometimes I find that if I sleep too late or I happen to have a particular type of dream it can kind of ruin my day from the beginning. Today, the latter happened. It wasn't a nightmare or a terrible dream, it was a really good dream in fact. It was an ideal world, and when I woke up and that world disappeared from reality, it bummed me out.

I lay in bed for a second, staring at my window and I was miserable.

What is that Dr. Seuss quote?

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

This quote always kind of aggravated me because it signified that all a person truly dreams of is love. I can't speak for everyone but I'm a naturally boy crazy person and even I dream of love very little. So let's imagine this was a more general statement, a statement about happiness in yourself as opposed to love....well I felt the polar opposite this morning.

I couldn't wake up because my dreams were far more attractive than reality.

This is sounding far more bleak than I imagined....

I wasn't in a vortex of internal misery, I was just bummed out and I haven't been able to shake it all day.

When I have a day like this I feel as if my eyes are truly open in the worst way. For example  I have a friend, once a very close friend, who I've slowly been trying to distance myself from. I don't agree with who he is, or how he acts anymore. It's not even as though he is truly changing, in actuality, I am changing. He makes choices I can't support and therefore don't want to be apart of, yet at the end of the day that is still a friend lost. I make these type of realizations on my dark days.

I'm rambling now....as usual.

Now in pure Jordyn fashion I'm going to go and lock myself away. I think running with dreams of the beach in my head, dejunking my apartment and Fiona Apple may be what it takes to shift this funk.

Sidenote: I'm obsessed with haunting songs. I like when a song freaks me out a little. It reminds me of the time I was 4-6 years old and I was in the car with my family hearing Maxwell Silver Hammer (one of my favourite songs to this date) and it honestly gave me night terrors for weeks. I like that feeling. This song creeps me out. I love this song. 

I've had a bad day.

....like a really bad day.

I woke up late, couldn't find my Hunter boots, I forgot my keys so I had to run home,the train was crowded, the alarm at work kept going off, I couldn't open the office door because I'm a human who can't key, and I didn't have time to eat anything.

I was cranky, and that was even before the work day had begun!

But when it eventually did start, boy did it freakin' start. At 9am a shaggy haired painter with a pink diamond grill (sick bro!) came to get my signature for some work bullshit. This is how our exchange went...

"Hi, I was told to ask for Jordyn?"

"Yes?"

"Is he here?"

"I'm Jordyn."

"Oh really? I was expecting like...I dunno a basketball player."

Seriously, 23 me one more time world!

Then I was lucky enough to spend  a good hour trying to do payroll before the computer decided to freeze. I had to start all over again, just in time for it to crash completely....super swell.

That was swiftly followed by a passerby knocking over a mannequin and splintering it all over 35th st. 

After I scooped up her battered body, a man came to install this picture of Adriana Lima whilst I sat there eating a bagle. It didn't help that we were wearing the same dress.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? Bagels....and my tears.

Oh and I have a blister....

And a headache...

And I don't have wine....

Or cake...

Or wine.

And to top it all off my friend is dragging me to some random bar to do some random bullshit with some random people.

I keep sending her sad selfies so she will let me stay home.

No dice.

Ugh life man.