Flood Watch 2K22

 Back in January of 2015, I wrote a post about waiting for a blizzard to hit New York 

Fast forward 7 years and here I am again, waiting for a potential disaster yet thankfully, much more prepared. 

This is my backyard and that white patch under the tree is a lake....They always say....hey when it's flooding it's best of live right at the waters edge! Also 10 points for spotting the water dragon in the picture.

Back in 2015 at the ripe old age of 22, I only had a shitty bottle of Prosecco and some most likely stale popcorn. Fast forward to 28 and I have several bottles of rose, some Korean beef marinating for dinner (my new obsession is Gochujang...bury me in it!) and the $500 worth of new books I bought last weekend.

Wow, age really comes at you like a freight train, huh? 

Annnnnywayyy....I thought it only fitting that as I sit here and wait for another potential disaster, I update my list of "blizzard thoughts"...

Flood Thoughts

• This one here is a classic of mine aka I have annoyed my mum with this thought for a decade...but isn't the concept of a pet so bizarre? Normally, if an animal came racing through my home I would be very alarmed. Yet for some strange reason, we pick one particular animal of fur and sharp teeth, and think...this one is mine, you will live in my house and you will be my friend. You can not leave if you wanted to, I will dictate your entire schedule and you will love me. If a possum ran through my home the same size as my dog I would simply pass away but when pup races around the corner and tackles me, I think, Oh yay that is just Norman....a random animal I have named a ridiculous name and claimed as my own....Ok, I'm spiraling now. 
• I think Survivor is one of the greatest TV shows of all time....I 100% have spoken about this before on here...I just love Survivor man.
• I think weddings are the most ridiculous wastes of money I have ever heard of. If someone ever said to me, Hey I love you and now I want to blow $25,000 on a party I would simply get the ick and fade into the bushes Homer Simpson style. Seriously, who even likes 150 people? I like about 15 at a bush. I think if I was ever with someone who for god knows what reason craved a wedding, my actual response would be ok fine let's meet in the middle....a grazing platter and some drinks in the backyard and never EVER make me kiss you whilst everyone we know watches on otherwise I'm taking Norman and we are outta here! 
• I only like cooking if I can take my time and prep all my ingredients. I have these little Le Creuset bowls that are the perfect size for my intricately minced garlic and diced onion. It really adds to my dreams of cooking show grandeur.
• It blows my mind that people can simply brand Taylor Swift as untalented since they don't like her music. I'm hardly a Swifty, yet I think she has an amazing ability to craft a story into a catchy fucking song! I think people like to paint young female "popstars" with this same bimbo brush and call it a day. The fact that they sing pop music, aimed at females somehow makes them untalented and simple for a young female has no taste. She is branded boy crazy and simple, who wants to hear another song about love and heartbreak? Yeah dope, tell that to any musician ever. 
• On Thursday night there was a 120 million lottery draw, and my coworkers and I all had a discussion had a big chat about how we would spend our winnings and it absolutely blew my mind that most of them didn't want to give a lot of it away to there loved ones, no strings just...here let's share this. The thing that would thrill me the most about winning a ridiculous sum of money would be giving that shit away to those I love so they could share in it.  Hell, what did I do to deserve it anyway? It's not like I would have toiled away for the money,  it just fell into my lap so fuck it, everybody take a piece. Also, this isn't me being all high and mighty but like...what joy would I have living large while someone I loved worried about how to pay there bills? Nah man
• My entire life I was convinced the lyric to Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin was "Windshield Wipers, Turpentine,  I was holding Bobby's hand in mine..." and you can not convince me "slappin' time" is literally anywhere in that lyric. I simply do not hear it! (I want to clarify that I can hear it in the Kris Kristofferson version but let's be real.....there is only one version that matters...sorry not sorry)
• Speaking of Janis Joplin, as a 28 year old, I find the idea of the 27 club so wild. There is nothing like looking at a picture of Janis Joplin and thinking shit man, she was younger than me in this picture? Like I'm sorry, when I see a picture of Jimi Hendrix I see a whole man, not someone who was never older than I am now. That sir, is wild. 
• I wouldn't call myself a people pleaser, but I have this weird need to be viewed as helpful, even if it means I over extend myself and bitch about you constantly while performing said task, I will never actually say no to a request for assistance. 
• I am also a big rule follower. Which seems confusing if you know me and my personality, I don't seem the type, but I don't like getting into trouble so would rather follow the rules to avoid the risk of being reprimanded as my default reaction to getting in trouble is bursting into tears...and that shit is just embarrassing. 
• My favorite song for like a decade strong was Pocketful of Rainbows by Elvis...but in the last year it was dethroned by Bright Side of the Road by Van Morrison....it's just such a fucking jam I don't even care. 
• This is what a baby angel looks like..

• Watermelon is the superior fruit...even though I think I may be allergic...
• I could be a vegetarian if I only ate Indian food for the rest of my life...
• I understand the hype about The Beatles and Elvis but can't see it with Bob Dylan and Led Zepplin.
• I have a theory that some foods need to be introduced to us as children for our palates to understand them...which is why American's struggle with things like Vegemite/Marmite...yet they lap up a taste like Root Beer that is baffling to those of us who didn't grow up with it.

I think that's all I have rolling around up there a the moment.

I'm going to go and play indoor fetch with Normie whilst we wait to get washed away! 

Score!

I got a puppy....and cried for three days straight.

 On the 26th of December, 2021, I did something I had spoken about for years.

I got a puppy (A miniature Groodle named Norman to be more precise)

I had wanted to make a post about it for weeks now, but every time I started to write it, I would give up.

I had so many conflicting emotions that I didn't really know how to get it all out.

Let me explain...I'll start on our first night together.

After a long exhausting day, I placed him on my bed whilst setting up his sleeping area in my bedroom...he proceeded to poop all over my quilt. I then popped him in to his crate next to my bed and what ensued next can only be described as the sounds you would imagine whilst beating a howler monkey with a metal bat.

He screeched so loud it seemed to echo, and I lay in the dark on my bed wishing he would exhaust himself and go to bed.

He didn't.

In a fit of tired frustration, I picked up his crate and carried him downstairs to the laundry. I had filled it with a comfy bed, his crate, a grass patch for him to use during the night, a fresh water bowl and some chew toys. 

After popping him into his pen, I shut the door and ran upstairs pretending I couldn't hear the howling rattling through my house.

I shoved a pillow over my head and cried myself to sleep. What the fuck did I do?

The next day I lay on the couch, inwardly panicking about what had come of my life in the space of 24 hours. I felt isolated, I couldn't go to the bathroom in peace let alone leave my house! What was I going to do? Sit inside with this helpless baby all day, forever? That's what it felt like. 

My parents came over to help me puppy proof the backyard and I broke down. What had I done? They assured me it would get better. My brother came over soon after and offered to look after him for a few hours...I ran out of the door so fast I should have ripped it from it's hinges. That evening when I was on the verge again,  my other brother came over to play with him and I quickly excused myself claiming I needed to go to the bathroom, when really I needed a moment to cry in peace.

Whenever anyone left I was jealous that they had the freedom to do so. It sounds so dramatic but in the space of 48 hours I had been on a one woman rollercoaster of emotions from anticipation, to excitement, to elation to soul consuming dread. Yet the worst stop on the coaster from hell was the guilt.

This helpless baby went from life on a farm with his family, Grandma Topaz and owners who knew exactly what they were doing. To a three bedroom townhouse, with store bought grass and and an owner who cried all day.

A few more days went by and I had barely left my house. I was working from home, puppy mothering from home and crying from home.

I spent New Years Eve alone at home, worried that the fireworks would all be a bit too much for him but not wanting to burden any of my friends with the chore of staying with us.

Slowly the days got a bit easier...and I do mean slowly.

He started going to bed without a fuss, and for a few short hours in the night I would get some me time. I began slowly going out to dinner again, realizing that he may bark when I left but he would soon calm himself down (Side note: I did buy an expensive Adaptil diffuser to help with his separation anxiety....saw no difference). I began hosting my friends more at my house, realizing that hey if I was going to be locked at home...I could be locked at home with company! 

Slowly we fell into a routine. If I was working from home, he was sleeping at my feet or roaming around the garden beds before knocking out on the kitchen floor . If I was in the office, he was at daycare playing with his puppy friends and coming home absolutely exhausted. On Sundays we would go to my parents for family dinner and he would be served his own air fried chicken breast. If my friends were over he was getting pats, chewing up their shoes (whoops) and trying to keep his puppy body awake well past his bedtime. 

We have now been together for 7 weeks.

Things that have made it easier:

1. When he gets scared and runs over and sits on my feet because he feels safe with me.

Things that made it harder:

1. His habit of barking nonstop at 4am every single morning. 

I have slept on my couch more these past few weeks than I think I ever have.

Some days he is a perfect baby angel, the next day his 6pm witching hour is like welcome a biting, demon into your home.

He is perfectly potty trained when he's downstairs at home, but insists on pooping in my spare bedroom if I let him upstairs with me whilst I'm getting ready in the morning.

One day he is the gold star member of puppy school, the next week (aka today) he is a feral beast who will no longer listen to me whilst I am masked up and sweating trying to get him to lay down, before wrestling him on to my lap so he can't distract the dogs around me so he cannonballs off my lap in to the lady sitting beside us (aka TODAY....the teacher had to give him a special Kong to distract him for .4 seconds).

One minute we are a 5.0 UberPet rider, asleep on my lap as the driver comments on how well behaved he is... the next second he is a howling monster.

I'm not sure how many more ways I can say how up and down the last seven weeks have been. It's been the best and worst all wrapped in to one. Have the lows been awful? Beyond. Have the highs made it all worth it? Definitely! 

We are now well and truly living in light at the end of the tunnel territory. 

He is now fully vaccinated so we can begin going on walks, we are on the verge of those awful pointy puppy teeth falling out and straight in to hell where they belong and I haven't had to clean up an accident in ages (except when we go to my parents house...he loves to shit all over that place...that's always fun).

When I first brought Norman home my friend mentioned how we would hopefully be together until I was well into my 40's and it really took me back....that feels so far in the future, and it made me realize how long we will hopefully have with each other.. I have always claimed that my 30's would be my best decade, and to think that I get to have this little shaggy sheep along for the ride? It's going to be even better.

Not seen in this photo: the yellow discharge coming out of his conjunctivitis filled eye....yep...peaks and valleys.