I got a puppy....and cried for three days straight.

 On the 26th of December, 2021, I did something I had spoken about for years.

I got a puppy (A miniature Groodle named Norman to be more precise)

I had wanted to make a post about it for weeks now, but every time I started to write it, I would give up.

I had so many conflicting emotions that I didn't really know how to get it all out.

Let me explain...I'll start on our first night together.

After a long exhausting day, I placed him on my bed whilst setting up his sleeping area in my bedroom...he proceeded to poop all over my quilt. I then popped him in to his crate next to my bed and what ensued next can only be described as the sounds you would imagine whilst beating a howler monkey with a metal bat.

He screeched so loud it seemed to echo, and I lay in the dark on my bed wishing he would exhaust himself and go to bed.

He didn't.

In a fit of tired frustration, I picked up his crate and carried him downstairs to the laundry. I had filled it with a comfy bed, his crate, a grass patch for him to use during the night, a fresh water bowl and some chew toys. 

After popping him into his pen, I shut the door and ran upstairs pretending I couldn't hear the howling rattling through my house.

I shoved a pillow over my head and cried myself to sleep. What the fuck did I do?

The next day I lay on the couch, inwardly panicking about what had come of my life in the space of 24 hours. I felt isolated, I couldn't go to the bathroom in peace let alone leave my house! What was I going to do? Sit inside with this helpless baby all day, forever? That's what it felt like. 

My parents came over to help me puppy proof the backyard and I broke down. What had I done? They assured me it would get better. My brother came over soon after and offered to look after him for a few hours...I ran out of the door so fast I should have ripped it from it's hinges. That evening when I was on the verge again,  my other brother came over to play with him and I quickly excused myself claiming I needed to go to the bathroom, when really I needed a moment to cry in peace.

Whenever anyone left I was jealous that they had the freedom to do so. It sounds so dramatic but in the space of 48 hours I had been on a one woman rollercoaster of emotions from anticipation, to excitement, to elation to soul consuming dread. Yet the worst stop on the coaster from hell was the guilt.

This helpless baby went from life on a farm with his family, Grandma Topaz and owners who knew exactly what they were doing. To a three bedroom townhouse, with store bought grass and and an owner who cried all day.

A few more days went by and I had barely left my house. I was working from home, puppy mothering from home and crying from home.

I spent New Years Eve alone at home, worried that the fireworks would all be a bit too much for him but not wanting to burden any of my friends with the chore of staying with us.

Slowly the days got a bit easier...and I do mean slowly.

He started going to bed without a fuss, and for a few short hours in the night I would get some me time. I began slowly going out to dinner again, realizing that he may bark when I left but he would soon calm himself down (Side note: I did buy an expensive Adaptil diffuser to help with his separation anxiety....saw no difference). I began hosting my friends more at my house, realizing that hey if I was going to be locked at home...I could be locked at home with company! 

Slowly we fell into a routine. If I was working from home, he was sleeping at my feet or roaming around the garden beds before knocking out on the kitchen floor . If I was in the office, he was at daycare playing with his puppy friends and coming home absolutely exhausted. On Sundays we would go to my parents for family dinner and he would be served his own air fried chicken breast. If my friends were over he was getting pats, chewing up their shoes (whoops) and trying to keep his puppy body awake well past his bedtime. 

We have now been together for 7 weeks.

Things that have made it easier:

1. When he gets scared and runs over and sits on my feet because he feels safe with me.

Things that made it harder:

1. His habit of barking nonstop at 4am every single morning. 

I have slept on my couch more these past few weeks than I think I ever have.

Some days he is a perfect baby angel, the next day his 6pm witching hour is like welcome a biting, demon into your home.

He is perfectly potty trained when he's downstairs at home, but insists on pooping in my spare bedroom if I let him upstairs with me whilst I'm getting ready in the morning.

One day he is the gold star member of puppy school, the next week (aka today) he is a feral beast who will no longer listen to me whilst I am masked up and sweating trying to get him to lay down, before wrestling him on to my lap so he can't distract the dogs around me so he cannonballs off my lap in to the lady sitting beside us (aka TODAY....the teacher had to give him a special Kong to distract him for .4 seconds).

One minute we are a 5.0 UberPet rider, asleep on my lap as the driver comments on how well behaved he is... the next second he is a howling monster.

I'm not sure how many more ways I can say how up and down the last seven weeks have been. It's been the best and worst all wrapped in to one. Have the lows been awful? Beyond. Have the highs made it all worth it? Definitely! 

We are now well and truly living in light at the end of the tunnel territory. 

He is now fully vaccinated so we can begin going on walks, we are on the verge of those awful pointy puppy teeth falling out and straight in to hell where they belong and I haven't had to clean up an accident in ages (except when we go to my parents house...he loves to shit all over that place...that's always fun).

When I first brought Norman home my friend mentioned how we would hopefully be together until I was well into my 40's and it really took me back....that feels so far in the future, and it made me realize how long we will hopefully have with each other.. I have always claimed that my 30's would be my best decade, and to think that I get to have this little shaggy sheep along for the ride? It's going to be even better.

Not seen in this photo: the yellow discharge coming out of his conjunctivitis filled eye....yep...peaks and valleys.