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It's gonna be Ma....June.

Monday, May 25, 2020




Annnnnnd just like that May is almost over.

2020 has been a bit of a blur year for me (only me,  for everybody else life is totally normal right?) It's a weird kind of blur as well. It hasn't been a blur of busy, busy, go, go time that keeps your mind entertained 24/7, no, it's pretty much the exact opposite of that! Long days of not much!

I know I have spoken about this before, but it really is crazy that when you get older you suddenly realize that this day to day, mundane life stuff is life itself. When you are younger you are constantly working towards the next thing. The next school year, next school holidays, hell next school disco! These big asterisks on the calendar always felt like the things that make up a life, but then you meet your old mate hindsight and realize that oh actually...getting up every day, chomping a piece of toast and putting on your school uniform for the umpteenth day in a row....that was life. Routine, the day in, day out stuff....that's life, man. 

I often think about how I felt when I first moved to New York. After my second week of college, I remember stressing about how I would spend my first real weekend. I didn't have a job, I was broke and I had a singular friend. We met up, walked around the city aimlessly and kept sitting down on random benches to recalculate our plans throughout the day. We worked so hard that day to do cool things, wanting to have something to tell our friends about how we spent our first weekend in New York. Then it hit us, oh shit...what are we going to do on Sunday though? Ugh, we have to find big things to do again tomorrow! I remember speaking to my mum on the phone after that day...

"I really need to find a job, that way I have less time to fill in the day!"

I think about that a lot, a time where days seemed too long because I felt this weird teenage pressure to always be doing fun and exciting things. As I grew up I realized that excitement doesn't make a life. 

When I realized this, I think I got a little happier. Now, don't get me wrong...I still have asterisks on the calendar of things I want to do down the track...but I don't feel like I'm underachieving when I'm just crushing the day to day monotony. Heck, I even enjoy it. 

A little look at my monotony recently...

It's a nice day for a....dog wedding!


When I moved back to Australia I was rudely unaware that I would no longer be able to order Glossier and more importantly to this story, BabyFacial by Drunk Elephant. I shed a single tear and then went about searching for alternatives for my chemical peeling needs! It took me almost 8 months but I finally found a place to order The Ordinary AHA and BHA solution, and after waiting almost two months! It finally arrived and my dead skin finally got the ass kicking it deserved!


It's getting colder here in Australia, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be out lazing about in the sun when given the chance!


Sometimes the onions just get a bit too juicy, you know?


Sometimes you just have to put on your Carol Baskin jammies and cuddle with your elephant!


Last week I realized my tan faded and suddenly my legs were the same colour as my boots.


My deep vein thrombosis and the post thrombotic syndrome it brought with it means that after a long day of being on my feet, my left leg is the size of a small country....poor Jordy Jordy Fat Feet.


I like to wear long flow-y dresses so they flutter about as I strut. It really does something for your self esteem, you should give it a try! 


It's constantly shocking to me how every single man I have ever met insists on making the biggest mess possible whilst cooking. Clean as you go? Who the hell is that!

I have been loving a good walk recently. Have you ever had a cold and suddenly you are not able to breathe out of your nose? You curse the times you took for granted the ability to breathe! After months of not being able to breathe properly because of my clotted lungs and having pain pulsing through my leg whenever I tried to walk, I'm finally at a place where moving and being out and about feels good again! I've been having Forrest Gump epiphanies when I hit a turning point on my walk, I don't want to stop...so I turn the other direction and keep on going. Am I planning to cross the country? Definitely not! Am I enjoying roaming the suburbs? Absolutely! 



I've been eating bowls and bowls of steamed broccoli and green beans at work because I'm trying to eat healthy to un-swell my body.....as you can tell.....it's been going great!

Aaaaand I chopped my mop because honestly after a long quarantine of messy buns, I deserved it!










23 things that happened before Covid-19.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

***Don't get me wrong, I totally respect the need for quarantine. I'm a homebody, I love a good puzzle, I like yoga pants as much as the next person...but I'm also incredibly nostalgic, and would love the option to go and get merry on sherry in public with my people...***


When we took a drunken post-brunch beach stumble...

When we ate empanadas in the park...

When I was drunkenly abusing my friends (and my phone)...

When I was trying to get the dog to eat my brother...

When I was a pal and a confidant...

When we were all British...

When we were all Australian...

When I had a fur-ball...

When the neighbours gave me a private concert....

When we partied with some young catholic men...

When  I ate my favourite snack (Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper Kettle Chips FTW!) with my favourite person...

When I ruined dinner....

When we congregated in the bathroom to kick our shoes off and bully each other...

When we walked down to the beach at 7am...


When we all admired how handsome Thomas looked...


When I stole the floral centerpiece from the restaurant on the way out...

When we played air hockey on the Santa Monica Pier...

When we were all festive and fabulous...


When we were in our true home (Niagara in the East Village) and then the bride remembered she was the dancing queen...

When I was hanging out with Jack...

When we got too drunk on a work trip...

When we were living among the gumtrees...

When I was bored at home, voguing and scrapbooking...

Oh wait that literally could have been yesterday....well, you get the point!






Life After.

Monday, May 4, 2020



Some much needed Grandma comfort after a particularly boisterous chorus of "Happy Birthday"


My Grandma died when I was five. She lived in the granny flat attached to our house, we would watch Home and Away together every night at 7:00pm, and she made killer sandwiches, but I wasn't old enough to truly understand that loss. I remember feeling sad for my Mum when she told us she had slipped into a coma as we stood outside of the hospital. She told us she might wake up, but she might not. I did cry at her funeral and I remember feeling confused thinking about what it all meant. It was the day I learned what forever was. I sat in the back of our car staring out the window wondering when the next time I would see her would be. 50 years? 100 years? Back then one year felt like forever but wrapping my head around the fact that an infinite number of years could pass and I would still never see her was a memory that has stuck with me. 

Tonight my family and I were lounging around after dinner when my dad got a phone call, before he had even hung up we knew what had happened. 

"Deano's Dead." 

That was it.

We all sat in silence.

My Dad's good friend had been battling cancer for almost a year, and the verdict had constantly flittered back and forth between optimism and realism. These past few weeks the writing was on the wall and we had been awaiting this very call. 

I wasn't particularly close to this friend, but he was a presence in our life as a family and I felt the shift as the news came down. 

I teared up when I heard, because at the end of the day, a life is a life. I felt weird about getting emotional. My day to day life would hardly see a difference, but I could feel the pain in those around me. I thought of his family. 

The passing of one is often the worst day for another. 

It was that feeling of forever creeping back in again. I looked over at my own Dad, never one for emotion, yet obviously lost in his own thoughts, I could still see him, he was still here. Tonight it wasn't my Dad, but it was someones Dad. I thought about how one day it would be my Dad, and how on that day I would be breaking while someone else was thankful it wasn't happening to them. They still had time. I still have time. 

"Who wants fruit salad?" My Dad questioned grabbing bowls from the cupboard.

We paused.

"No?"

"I do." My step-mum finally made the first move.

"Me too" I added, as if permission was granted for us to keep living.

I just kept thinking about how in this moment everything was weirdly normal. 

Here we were sitting around eating fruit salad and watching Silent Witness which we had done identically the night before but yesterday he was alive and tonight he was not.

Eventually the dog started snoring, breaking the silence.

We all laughed.

My youngest brother tripped running up the stairs.

We laughed again.

Remembering it was ok to do so.

The silence lifted and suddenly we were back discussing what was happening on the TV.

Everything was normal, but different all the same.



Keep On, Keepin' On.

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Things I've done in the last few weeks just to feel something...

Online Paid Surveys
At a penny a pop, this is really lucrative work right now! 

Ate my weight in Rippa Rolls from Red Rooster
A coworker of mine is obsessed with Rippa Rolls, and somehow that obsession was transferred to me. I can't help myself they taste like nostalgia with a crack cocaine sauce.

Watched triplet announcement videos on Youtube
Well when you run out of regular announcement and twin announcement and adoption announcements and solider's surprising their relatives, what the hell else are you supposed to do with you time!?!? 

Texting my friends about past murder cases
The Lululemon Murder really fucked me up.

Binge watching Vanderpump Rules, Summerhouse, Survivor, Bondi Rescue and Very Cavallari
Godlike taste in TV, I know!

Reading classic novels
Take a left turn at Reality TV Lane and you may run into Jane Austen. I dunno, it's a little experiment to see if any of these books are any good, I'll keep you posted! 

Excessively applying body lotion
I love a good pamper sesh at the best of times, but quarantine has me spending so much time rubba-dub-dubbing, catch me massaging cocoa butter into my knuckles and knees for 15 minutes twice a day like I'm going to come out of this thing looking like a newborn.

Walking with my father
My dad lovingly calls out evening strolls "Walking Dordy" and tells everyone about how he has to go and take me for a walk as if I'm a border collie.....I think he likes walking with me because I have blood clots in my lungs so he has an excuse for a slower pace....I always seem to learn something....facts about the two Roosevelts, why Air Force One is in-fact called Air Force One and the firing order of a V8.

Furnishing the house I don't have yet
Do I have boxes of plates, towels and other soon to be useful items lining the wall of my bedroom? Yes I do! I have a neurotic budget that I update 45 times a day, so large purchases can stress me out...but tons of smaller purchases spaced out months ahead of time? A joy!  

Preening my investment portfolio like a damn Mallard.
Am I one of those people buying like a mad woman because the stock market took a fucking clanger? Yes I am. I'm a set it and forget it type investor but still all this extra time has me checking what's going on multiple times a day. 

Party on, Garth!


Music Monday XIII

Wednesday, April 29, 2020


Now I know what you are saying....it's not Monday. That may be true, but in quarantine what really is time? That's my argument.

Now the next point to make....yes, all these songs are single word titles. Spooky and unplanned (until song 5...then I realized and had to selectively pick the rest)

Jordan Turner- Rigging the system since '93.







I love Rod Stewart....I've said that at least 32 times. Pay Attention.



This is my favourite Billy Joel song and I love musical theatre and Ben Platt.....pay attention.



New discovery, I'm weirdly attracted to young Barry Gibb. Hell I thought I was seriously going to marry Lance Bass when I was a child so honestly, I wear all my question marks with pride!





I have had this song stuck in my head since I was 10 years old and could never track it down, but then the other day it popped up on Spotify....a short 16 years later!



My favourite Cold Chisel song....also, young Jimmy Barnes, you can also take a seat at Barry's table.





This song has the worst lyrics I've ever heard in a song ever....yet catch me throwing it back hours later to some "Life, ohh life...ohhhh life"


 My mum hates this song....she also hates Rod Stewart...so obviously she has no taste.




Iso-loser.

Monday, April 27, 2020



Good Evening Quarantiners,


Yesterday I worked out that I haven't been to work in 8 weeks. This is partially because I was in the hospital for a while, but I came right out of that hospital into isolation so I'm including it! I have really good days, where I get up and go for a walk, drink water and do things that make me feel accomplished, and I have some days where I do the exact opposite. On the bad days I sleep for way to long, order takeout and spend way too much money on the delivery fee and binge watch Vanderpump Rules. It's all about balance I guess, but man those bad days can mess with your mind! 

All in all though, I'm ready for some normality now! I'm very thankful to be living in Australia at this very point in time which means I've been able to continue to see a little bit of a paycheck ($750 a week) trickle in each week via the governments JobKeeper program. I'm also quite impressed with how the government has handled things in general, I know very little about the Australian political landscape but all in all I've felt we shut down just the right amount to keep things afloat, yet safe. Considering the devastating numbers popping up all over the globe, things have felt relatively normal here, just a little more lonely and thankfully we are now beginning the reopening phase.

Hopefully this means I'll be back at work next week, I'm sure I'll be missing isolation as soon as I'm a few weeks of work deep, but I'll let hindsight bite me in the butt with that one!


xxx

Some of the things keeping me sane?



ANZAC Biscuits! I made ANZAC biscuits this past Saturday after failing at them for the last however many years while living in the US (Why are you so Anti-Golden Syrup USA? Why?!?) They were as good as I remember.


The most intense paint by numbers I have ever seen! Weirdly therapeutic! I used to like painting because it was super calming but always struggled with what to actually paint, this really fills that void! Am I a paint by numbers convert? I'll let you know in a year when I probably haven't picked up a brush since!



Cross-stitching and Tiger King- I will say, I love when the world falls in a collective documentary pit because then I have so many people to talk to about it! Speaking of, watch McMillions on HBO!


 Nothing like getting all dressed up in your best party dress before realizing you have nowhere to go! 


And of course, puzzling! Notice that piece in the corner is missing? I'm still upset about it and almost positive one of my brothers or father have hidden it from me. It's fine, karma will get 'em! 


My Birth Control Tried to Kill Me.

Monday, March 23, 2020




So I know what you are thinking...

Does she only write blog posts while she is on bed rest?

It does seem that way but what can I say...2020 has not been my year! I mean between the bushfires ravaging Australia, followed by the floods, Donald Trump still being in office and now the Coronavirus pandemic, has it really been anybody's year?

To side step to the Coronavirus topic, how about that?!?

I think what's most concerning to me is how multifaceted it is. On one hand you have people sheltering away from the world because of the simple life or death aspect, people want to live. Beyond that, they want their friends and families to live and they don't want to recklessly deliver a death sentence to a passing stranger. Then you have people losing their livelihoods, facing this pandemic unemployed, scared and concerned for life after the storm. Thread through an air of uncertainty and the strain of mentally trying to prepare for something you can't grasp.It's understandable mayhem unlike anything we have ever seen.

When I moved back to Australia back in August I moved back in with my family while I found my own place. I had planned to be out by November but after numerous hiccups and setbacks in my job hunt and health, I'm thankfully still under their roof which makes this uncertain pandemic much more easy to cope with. I've also managed to keep my job, which I'm hoping can withstand the economic rollercoaster we are riding down towards the ground at full speed....speaking of rollercoasters, back to my almost murder.

A few weeks ago I started wearing a FitBit.

I had been wanting to accurately keep track of my fitness, partially because I wanted to keep more on top of my health and partially because I received extra frequent flyer points for achieving different fitness goals. I became quickly obsessed, and often found myself running in circles at the end of the day when I saw my fitness goals weren't met.

On one particular Sunday a few weeks back I noticed I needed to get my butt moving for the day and went and had a swim and brief mini aerobics session in the pool. After doing 100 squats and lunging my way around the pool I went upstairs to get changed, noticeably winded once I hit my bedroom. Although soaking wet, I sat down on my bed absolutely exhausted. How embarrassing!

After dinner I ran downstairs to show my brothers how wheezy my breathing had become and how easily breathless I was...Did they think it was Corona! I needed to know. Probably not...I thought but still booked myself in for a Dr's appointment the next day.

I didn't work out this day....This was just from walking around the house....heart rate going wild

'So....I might be being really dramatic...but I just wanted to check if you thought this was weird.."

I said as a I sat down with my Dr. He took my heart rate, it was racing. I pointed to my FitBit to let him know it had been resting north of 120 bpm since yesterday often jumping as high as 145 from a simply stroll to the kitchen. He took me over for an EKG...he wasn't just concerned, he was confused. Sudden Onset Sinus Tachycardia? He rubbed my neck trying to prompt a reset of my heart rate, nothing. He put me on beta blockers for the night and asked me to come back tomorrow, certain these would kick me back to normal.

"Nope, nothing!"

I exclaimed as I fell back into my chair the next day, out of breath from the walk to his office from the waiting room.

Sure enough, he took my pulse and there it was racing along.

He asked about my other symptoms, I told him I didn't have any aside from the fact that I had pulled my left glute while being over ambitious with the lungs the other day. He called a cardiologist for advice, and booked me in for an echocardiogram for a few days time.

I didn't make it to that appointment.

The night before I was scheduled to go check up on my racing heart, I got up from the dinner table in a rush. Running (as best I could) upstairs to run myself a bath. My glute was continuing to throb no matter how much ice or deep heat I put on it and suddenly the pain was unbearable! I frantically scrubbed at the dirty bath trying to make it acceptable to dip into before giving up and just jumping straight in, dust and all. I was crying from the pain, staring at the ceiling with my heart, of course, racing! I happened to glance down to see how much longer until the water would fully submerge my leg. That's when I noticed my left leg was purple.

I frantically got out of the bath, yelling at my brother to grab my step-mum. She came running, asking if I was ok before I asked her if she felt my leg was a different colour. She assessed it, unsure, and said we should go to the emergency room.

After throwing on clothes and crawling down the stairs, My Dad and step-mum threw me in the car and we were off. My Mum called from Vermont as we left the driveway but I quickly told her I couldn't talk, unsure if I should worry her with the details when I wasn't sure what was happening myself.

As soon as I entered the emergency room, limping and breathless I was rushed back to a bed. The Dr (Dr. Dan who my family and I all agree was top notch!) walked in to ask me my symptoms.

"If I walk from this bed to that sink (no more than 5 steps away) I will be out of breath..."

"Huffing and puffing, it's really bad" My step-mum added.

He pulled a face at me.

"You are 26....you should be able to walk more than that?"

He paused and looked me over, taking vitals and keeping that confused look plastered across his face.

"That is a very serious symptom....we need to treat this very seriously..."

Within 15 minutes I was being wheeled in for a CT scan, I don't think I will ever get used to being pumped with dye and made to feel like I've peed my pants. This is the second time in just a few short months I was rolled through that donut of radiation, heres hoping its the last!

After a brief waiting period Dr. Dan approached again....

"Unfortunately, what I suspected was just confirmed....you have bilateral pulmonary embolisms, and they are big ones."

I didn't know what that meant, but I cried instantly this time not from the pain, but instead the fear of how serious that sounded!

"You need to be in hospital for the next little while"

He looked down and I nodded, not sure what was really going on with my body.

Thriving, lazy eye and all!

It turns out that what all this really meant was that my lungs were full of large blood clots that were restricting my ability to breath and causing my heart to work double time.

In the coming days in hospital, I would find out that these pulmonary embolisms were started by a large deep vein thrombosis in my left thigh.

So that glute strain I thought I had? Nope! Actually a huge clot that ran from my hip all the way to my knee! The person who did my leg ultrasound was almost giddy with how large the clot was. She even asked it she could take extra pictures because she had never seen one like this before.

As soon as they found that large DVT, I was ordered to stay off my leg for 5 whole days which means I got a lot of experience with bed pans, commodes and sponge baths (I was also strapped to a heart monitor which meant every time my heart jumped too high an alarm would sound and nurses would come running....now remember whenever I moved too much my heart would soar, which means I can now happily say I have had numerous nurses run in on me peeing, sexy!)

I call this....sponge bath next to my commode 18+, way too sexy! 

Anyway, I digress! When the clots were discovered, I was immediately pumped with Heparin (blood thinner), and force to give vials upon vials of blood every 4 hours.

It turns out I'm a huge Diva (Difficult IntraVenous Access) which meant that it took multiple nurses, multiple attempts to get even the slightest amount of blood. I was bruised and defeated after a few days, and they quickly moved me to Clexane injections into the stomach and removed my drip of Heparin to stop the need for constant blood tests.

I ended up staying in the hospital for an entire week, lounging around, eating and watching the goings on in the ward. I made friends with the ladies around me once I left my own solo room after a few days, and got all but used to my routine vitals check throughout the night.

My friends stopped by to delivery flowers and Ferrero Rocher's (My ultimate sad time food) and my family visited daily to fill me in on the crazy happenings of Coronavirus bedlam on the outside. My Dad started a love affair with the chair next to my bed and the hand sanitizer I kept on my table at all times, and then after days of begging, they let me go home to further mend myself at home.

I limped out of the hospital, blood thinners and painkiller script in hand.

"Don't rush..."

My Dad fussed as he held the door and I stumbled toward it.

"Wow...one of your legs is bigger than the other..."

He pointed out as I looked at my throbbing purple leg....cute!

It's been a few days now and I'm happy to say I'm on the mend! I still hobble, I'm a little breathless sometimes and standing for long periods of time still sends pains radiating down my leg. But I'm mending!

The Dr warned me this would be a slow process.

I asked him what activities, stretches or pills I could take to speed things up and he laughed in my face.

The constant blood thinners I had been pumped with and continued to pump myself with at home would not be breaking down the clot. My body needed to do that on it's own and I needed to give it a few months to do so.

So that's what I've been doing, self isolating like a pro! Resting, de-clotting and recuperating to face whatever the world has in store next.

Now back to the title of this post...

Yep, it's true all of this was caused by a few days of the contraceptive pill (NOT EVEN A FULL SHEET!)

I had only started taking it in February in an effort to control my ovarian cysts. Apparently the oral contraceptive specifically is the best course of action for this buuuuuut it turns out controlling the cysts also translated to filling my body with clots!

To add to this, my recent bloodwork results came back to inform me that I also have the Factor V Leiden gene...which means I'm susceptible to clotting, who knew!

The moral of this tale? Take care of yourself, know your body and pay attention to the risk factors involved with certain medications. The idea that sure, things can happen but they wouldn't necessarily happen to me, can almost kill you if you let it.



Take things seriously and always listen to your body and it's changes.

It could save your life!




The Curious Case of the Disappearing Cyst.

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Well guys, I survived surgery.



I sent the same picture to literally 12 different people. Letting them know that, in true meme fashion, "I lived bitch." I'm so young and cool it honestly makes me physically sick, Also, Sheyenne has her priorities very confused!


A little back story about my medical adventure. A year or two ago I started to rapidly gain weight without making any major diet changes. I thought it was most likely the joys of growing older, and that maybe I needed to focus more on what I was eating but when I would focus on my eating for a few months, I noticed that I still continued to put on weight aka not the desired result.

I figured there was an underlying issue there, but since I lived in the Good Ol' US of A, and even with medical insurance a doctors visit cost me a couple of hundred dollars, I decided to learn to love the chub, and keep it moving irregular periods, abdomen pain and all. Not Advised.

Flash forward to a few months ago when I relocated home to Australia and within a week of landing I was sat at the Dr describing my symptoms. We did bloodwork to check my thyroid and a various combination of things which came back clean as a whistle, and I was told to go and get an ultrasound. Not so clean, far less whistley. The day after my ultrasound I received a message from my Dr asking me to come in and see him that day. The whole "No News is Good News" isn't so comforting when the news is coming hard and fast! 

It turned out I had two sizeable ovarian cysts taking up residency within me. My largest almost 14 centimetres/6 inches simple yet taking up my entire ovary, and the other complex and more scary looking to the Doc. 


Love that for me.

Over the next few weeks I met with specialists, did a CT scan, a pelvic exam (with not one gynecologist, but 2 additional attractive medical students watching on....a real life highlight) and booked in an appointment to take those bad boys out!

Although public healthcare is affordable in Australia (These copious appointments scans, pokes, prods and eventual surgery cost me a total of $25 all up without private healthcare! Take that America!) it means that if not life threatening you must wait a little longer for a surgery, so I was listed as Category 2 and booked in for surgery within 90 days. 

While booking my surgery they informed me they were aiming for a "laparoscopic bilateral ovarian cystectomy" but due to the size of the complex cyst they thought it likely they would need to make a larger cut across my entire abdomen (The "Full Yum Cha" as I randomly started referring to it one day) and potentially remove one or both of my ovaries. The Dr very reassuringly told me he wouldn't know what would happen until he opened me up, we were flying blind people! How long should I take off work for recovery? Will I be unable to have my own children?  Literally who knows, just guess! 

During the weeks leading up to my surgery I could often be found with a hot water bottle attractively tucked into my waistband, cursing my ovarian children. One day in particular I felt a stabbing pain rip through my abdomen, a pain not dissimilar to a UTI which I used to encounter quite frequently....so fun. I jumped into action, throwing myself into a scolding hot tub fully clothed and calling my Mum. After a few excruciating hours and a quick Dr visit to check my cyst didn't rupture (she assured me it didn't without laying a finger on me...trust me...I would apparently know!)  I felt fighting fit.

Flash forward to this morning. 




My appointment was scheduled for 6:30am, so for a third time in as many months my Dad and I had a Daddy-Daughter Gynecologist date! After an hour or two of paperwork, sitting in a robe and heated blanket watching the same news update about Harry and Meghan ditching royal tradition on repeat and a quick brief with my anesthesiologist. I was ready for...well..whatever was about to happen...because again...we are flying blind here! After installing my drip, shuffling me onto the operating table and informing me they would be shoving tubes down my neck and instruments into my vageen (TMI, but this is real life folks), I was huffing and puffing my way to dream land. 

After waking up what felt like moments later, in a drunken haze I yelled to a nearby lady in scrubs,

DID I KEEP MY OVARIES?

She laughed at me, apparently she had no connection to my operation but thankfully the lady directly to my right I didn't even see, did know. 

Yes, ovaries are still very much intact, and your cyst was removed laparoscopically with only four small cuts and minimal healing time.

The ideal solution....but wait...did she say cyst? As in singular?

I paused.

They left one?

No kids, my big bopper, 6 inch oldest child...had left home early.

That sharp pain that I winced my way through was most likely it's rupture and I'm just a tough ass bitch.

I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be pushing for another ultrasound or CT scan to verify this during my follow up appointment next week, but for today...I'll take it!

After two short hours, a sip of water, half a sandwich and bleeding through two diaper sized pads (Hi, you are welcome) it was time to drunkenly wander through the hospital in my compression socks and no shoes while my Dad whistled "When I'm 64" by The Beatles (Side note: It was his 64th birthday today and he celebrated by listening to that song on repeat to and from the hospital and spending 4 hours sitting in the car playing Sudoku and watching The Bourne Supremacy before eaves dropping on Dr gossip in a hospital cafeteria, a legend). 

I slipped my shoes on over my knee high compression socks to walk across the carpark, this is Fashion.

Once back at home, I spent my afternoon watching Forrest Gump (literally twice...back to back...my favourite movie), eating my favourite snacks provided for me by my brother and his girlfriend who came to babysit me in my post-anesthesia daze and insisting on taking out the trash so I can get my post surgery steps in. 

Coming through with the good-goods. 

Minus the fact I'm rocking a PM diaper and I'm unable to remove my compression socks, I actually feeling top notch, fertile and fighting fit.

Can not bend at waist. Must stay compressed forever. 

The moral of the story here is take care of yourself, go the Dr every once in awhile and don't stress yourself out focusing on the worst case scenarios when sometimes things are a lot simpler than they appear! 

Diaper Gang.


Harrah for Modern Medicine. 



P.S. Fashion Icon, Happy Queen, Double Chin Goddess.











Jingles, Jangles and Jester Pups

Monday, January 6, 2020

Part of me is very concerned by the fact that ever since I stopped posting these past few weeks, suddenly this blog is getting consistent views day over day.  I didn't intend to just stop posting, but it turns out that being unemployed left a lot more time for blogging! Alas, I have returned to my little home...

So what has been going on these past few weeks...(I'm awful at taking pictures of things that are going on, a trait my mother truly hates, so enjoy this smattering of things I randomly snapped.



We watched (or slept through) some Jazz.


I spent some time people watching in the CBD, becoming increasingly more frustrated by a busker playing the pipes (not bagpipes....plumbing pipes...hitting them with a thong/flipflop like a bloody science experiment) I never want to hear Seven Nation Army again for as long as I live. 

I insisted everyone wear spacky hats and listen to Christmas music on repeat from about Mid-November. I spent over $100 on  Christmas related costuming and I'm not even mad. Never too early to jingle those bells.....not even exaggerating, bells were involved. 

I cleaned out my purse and realized that old age means constant aches and pains and a penchant for being prepared!

I spent Christmas Day with my family, they loved being with me. I'm very fun and exciting at parties. 


Very. Fun. And. Exciting.



My brother sat behind the wrapping paper box while unwrapping Christmas presents which meant my Dad and I spent .2 seconds unwrapping and appreciating a gift and a whole minute crunching the paper into balls and lobbing it into the box using his skull as a backboard (It's a good thing I'm a bad aim!) The Court Jester was very unamused. 



I responded to texts from younger friends out drinking with pictures of me drinking at home with my Dad. He made me retake this when he realized he forgot to pop up his peace sign..




I Christmas-partied until my bells fell off. 



I rescued this little dog for the second time in a few weeks. We spent all day together while waiting for his owners....we have a bond now...


Buttons and Billy don't share that bond. 


I watched my 18 and 20 year old brothers have a brutal lightsaber battle like the grown men they are becoming. 


And I lay on the floor and withered in pain due to the really lovely 13cm and 6cm cysts occupying both of my ovaries.

Thankfully those suckers are getting kicked out on Thursday and I can finally un-duct tape the hot water bottle from my abdomen.

I'll report back post-op!

Happy 2020 suckers.