Concrete Jungle Wet Dream Tomato.

Tonight is slowly turning into one of those nights where my mind races at a million miles a minute and I end up starting the following day exhausted and cranky (exhibit A: It's 3:10am.) My mind is in a weird mood for many reasons but something is definitely weighing pretty heavily.

Today on the way to work I was in my typical,resting bitch face, staring off into space mode when the train decided to do it's usual stop mid-journey to hover between two stations and make me late for work thing that it always does at the most inconvenient of times. The longer we sat, the more annoyed I got and after a good five minutes I was huffing with frustration. I stared more intently out the window and realized we had stopped at the perfect midpoint across the Williamsburg Bridge that allowed a perfect view of not only the Empire State Building and Brooklyn Bridge but also the Statue of Liberty off in the distance.

I felt like an asshole.

People dream of this city, I dreamed of this city! These are landmarks that people pay thousands of dollars to come and see, people see these things and take pictures and treasure the memories of their wild adventures in the Big Apple and here I was numb to it all. I had seen these things so many times I had stopped caring, they had stopped being cool, but in that moment I let my mind rewind back to that young girl in Western Australia. That little girl that thought America was this crazy land of lights and movies. I would watch movies and see all the sights of NYC and it all seemed so cool, so different to where I was from, my best friend and I would spend hours talking in awful American accents because it all seemed so cool! Yet, here I was in the middle of it and after a few short years I was over it?

I was no longer a tourist using this city as a prop or backdrop for my happy holiday snaps. Times Square was no longer a destination it was just part of the commute. I didn't go to Grand Central to take pictures and pretend I was in a movie, I went their to take a train to work or school or something awfully mundane. At that moment it truly upset me how over it I thought I was.

I don't know where I'll end up, or even where I'll be this time next year. I have no idea what anything holds but I do know that New York is probably not a forever thing, and I want to be able to look back on this time in the years to come and to appreciate what I was doing and where I was doing it. I hope one day I can tell my kids that I lived in New York and they think it is as cool as 8 year old Jordyn thought it to be.

I have to be up in three hours to make sleeping cutie (he's asleep and he's cute....like what I did their...it's a play on words...sleeping beauty? HAH I'm funny...hah...no? ok) yoga with me and at this rate it is probably going to turn into hey how about we don't and say we did? Oh and you are going to make me waffles? Splendid. 

Life Updates:

• I'm sick. Due to almost every person in my life at the moment coughing their sickness all over me,  I have finally caught something. I predict I have about a week left to live and I plan to spend it drugged up on Nyquil.
• Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant and on the day I was supposed to give birth we had a huge party in my childhood home where I was also delivering the baby. I even uttered the words "I'm just going to go give birth real quick so I can come and eat with you guys!" I thought it was a weird funny dream until Calvin told me that dreaming of birth means someone is going to die. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? As if I need more paranoia! 
• Today another creepy man followed me down the street and kept saying weird shit to me until I escaped down into the subway. It's always me man! 
• A man at the bar last night told me I had a sexy little mouth....I am normally very self conscious of how tiny my mouth is in comparison to my gigantic forehead....so that was a high point of my week....it's the little things people.

Sometimes I forget how to word and just picture instead.

Snap- Soooo....Baby Boy just fell asleep listening to me ramble on about how I am convinced that a ghost is stalking me. I'm sorry but I thought it was a thrilling tale of one redheads journey into insanity....apparently it needs some work.

Now since he is a party pooper, I got bored and decided to come and talk to myself online. I'm thrilling.

Crackle- What's new? Nothing...everything...who knows. I'm in a very rant-y mood recently, I don't know why, I'm just very opinionated about a lot of random things. Sometimes in order to stop getting into debates and ruining friendships I just go to news websites and blow shit up in the comments....You think I'm kidding. I'm not. 

                            

Pop- This week I got back in contact with a very good friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to in a few months now ( Considering at one point in our lives we once spoke every single day this was a big deal!) I am a person who often thinks too deeply about life and who is completely shook by random quotes about death and taking nothing for granted so making sure I'm in contact with those who matter to me is very important. Heck the other day I paced around the office almost ripping my hair out because my Dad hadn't texted me back in a few days, I had to keep going on Facebook to see if my Step mum was still Farmville'ing to make sure nothing major was going down at home. Crisis Averted. P.S. I'm a worrier. 

Rawr- I am someone with an impeccable memory, heck I'm sure I remember more about my brothers/best friends/random stranger on the streets life than they do. The other day though I saw the first signs of old age setting in (This is old age!) There I was, scrolling around on my computer looking for a certain picture of me and a friend when I stumbled upon this picture...

I literally had no idea where it came from. Why was I wearing gloves and a scarf? Why were we in front of a green screen? I was so baffled! I have since worked it out. But the thought of not knowing every detail of every event is a scary thought. Pfft Fuck my 20's!

Boop-The other night my roommate was in his rightful place aka cooking me dinner when I heard a commotion and turned around to see this.

Oh no kitty spilt something on her face? NO! WRONG! My loving roommate actually just threw flour in her face for a reason unexplainable to anybody outside his own mind and almost blinded poor kitty. Boys are weird.

Squash- This is our shelf of shit. My personal favourite item? The tiny nugget of weed on the frame placed there just for Jesus. 

Six- My newest and most favourite hobby is embarrassing my roommate aka little baby Kevin on Facebook. Why is it so fun? I have no idea! It's just something I kind of dig because he gets so mad! It makes me kind of worried that when I have kids I'm going to be one of those embarrassing baby-picture-in-the-handbag-ready-to-show-everyone mums (Dear Future children, if you read this and that is a fitting description of me, I give you permission to shoot me in the head.)

Pip Pip Cheerio, hopefully next time I'll remember how to use words again...but probably not lets be honest.

I'm starting a relationship with Cool Ranch Doritos...nobody can stop me!

My ex-boyfriend is in town which means I can't be *cue little baby Jordyn hiding under her covers on a Saturday night*. Firstly, No! Technically I don't have to be hidden, but we are in a very weird little space and since we run in literally almost the exact same circle, I would rather just not entertain the idea. Honestly I'm not all too bummed about my night, as previously mentioned I quite enjoy my own company.

In fact I have spent my night clicking away editing my book, eating chocolate covered gummy bears and listening to Harry Connick Jr's Christmas album....sorted!

Oh and watching my roommate shampoo his feet.

You think I'm joking?

Another weird little corner of my world at the moment is Buddhism.

Hear me out.

I have never been a religious person. It has never been a part of my life, my family have never practiced any kind and honestly I never really felt it to be necessary. Recently though I'm kind of altering that idea. The idea of organized religion scares me. It can go from good to bad in 2.3 seconds,I'm not sure I believe in all that is said, it can be used to spread hatred and unnecessary judgement but something I have always liked about it was what it did for those who believe in it.

Those who know me know that I have been following the Shaytard's vlogs on Youtube for four years now and I'm kind of obsessed. Put simply, they are a family of 7 (after welcoming a little boy just a few weeks back...I cried, or more correctly put bawled my freakin' eyes out!) who make 10-20 minute videos of their every day life. They are so happy and optimistic with every single aspect of their life that they have changed my outlook on a lot of things. A huge aspect of their life is their faith which in this case happens to be Mormonism. Although I don't believe in the same faith they do, I truly admire how they use it to shape their lives and I felt like this was a light bulb, aha! moment for me.

This is how I fell into Buddhism. Firstly, I wouldn't consider myself a Buddhist. I think my lack of knowledge on the subject would greatly insult those who did identify as such, but it is definitely something I am beginning to love.

I love how humanistic it is. It puts you in control of your own destiny, your successes and failures are completely up to you. You decide your own happiness! I think that is a very important aspect of life, I think as humans we spend too long thinking about what others think about us when in all actuality they are too busy worrying about what others think of them to really have time to care (I mean that in the least depressing way possible!)

And on that note,

From Mummpet's last womb tenant,

Happiest of birthdays to my first ever friend. I know nobody likes my blog more than my Mother and nobody gets madder that I haven't written in a long time, so I figured I would write one just for her!

Growing up my mother and I had the typical mother-daughter relationship, we laughed about the most ridiculous things, I stole her clothes, she had a way of making me madder than most people could, she helped me with anything I would let her (I'm an independent little woman so this wasn't always easy), she was the target of my prime bitchiness, but at the end of the day I have realized I would be lost without her.

It wasn't until I moved out that I realized how special she was to me. My roommate at the time was shocked at how often I called my mum and how much she knew about my life (although this may have something to do with the fact that this woman is CIA level online stalker....) and I realized she was kind of more than my Mum. She was one of my best friends and I suddenly regretted never thanking her enough and never letting her know how much I love her.

Heck this woman drove me to the hospital on so many occasions as a child because I had put rocks up my nose for the fourth time in a week that it is beyond funny. She has been at the receiving end of all of my weird questions; the number of times I have asked this woman what she would do if I dropped dead right this second, or quizzed her about my phobias or loves, or pointed at her stomach and asked how weird it was that I used to live near her pancreas are almost infinite.

She cracks me up, and for that I wish her a Happy Birth day,week,month,year!

Wednesdays.

I'm sick.

Another perk is that my roommates aren't home so I can listen to the same song on repeat at full volume without any complaints.

It's the small things in life people.

Saying Yes.

I have a huge problem.

First, some back story. I am very happy with who I am. I'm an introvert by nature and although I fake being a social butterfly well most of the time I would much prefer to do my own thing. I like my own company, I know what makes me happy, I like what I like and I find it almost impossible to change myself because of others opinions.

I have always known who I was, even when I didn't know it. I am opinionated and straight forward which I have noticed can get me into some trouble, yet at my core I don't come from a mean place. I'm internally happy, even in the darkest of times or situations, even when I'm crying my eyes out or complaining about the most trivial of things, I am content and optimistic about wherever it is I'm going.

I believe in karma and simple kindness and I'm honestly a very open book. Ask me anything and I'll tell you my true opinion. Sometimes I greatly dislike this quality, and would much prefer to fake nice with those around me, but I am learning to accept, brutal honesty is the way I am whilst at the same time trying to teach myself to contain it sometimes.

When I love, I love with every bone in my body and once you are my friend you will always have a special place in my heart. I am not a jealous person, I know how to be happy for people, I am proud of my friends for all they are achieving and will support those I love in whatever makes them happiest. I'm not one for sharing with strangers, and most people find they really don't know much about me at the end of the day but my biggest problem is my inability to say yes.

I am a person that gets stuck in my ways, both good and bad. Whether it's a streak of going out every night or a wave of working too hard, I get complicated comfortably and it's hard for me to sway.

Luckily for me I have a friend who is innately programmed the same way and we are helping each other break this cycle. New, weird and wonderful things on the horizon.

Watch this space.