Tuesday Dudesday: A saga

This honestly makes no sense but I'm too lazy to edit it: A memoir.

One of the guys I work with is convinced we are supposed to be in love. He is a good looking, perfectly normal, hilarious guy and I just want to shake him and be like, You are a fool! I am fucking crazy. Run away. but instead I continue to let him think I'm normal and perfect and overly enjoy the fact that he talks about how I would be the perfect girlfriend or jokes about how amazing I am and how well we would go together all the time. He will learn....or he wouldn't. Oh well, poor thing.

Anyway.

Last night I had the most brilliant idea.

I had plans to go and stay with a friend in Midtown but instead of bringing my purse, I would simply bring my house keys, $2.50 for a train ticket to said friends house and my workout gear. Then in the morning I would have no option but to run all the way home, and collect my other clothes later.

This morning I was so pissed I decided to do that.

It took everything in my power to not beg anybody who would listen for enough money to get home, or to simply jump the turnstiles but alas, I sucked it up.

Past Jordyn and I are no longer talking...but honestly it is probably for the best because what kind of sane person has casual chats with their past self.

Lucky for Present Jordyn (or I guess she too is now past Jordyn...how meta) I got home by 10am and had a few hours to simply lay about on my roof getting my bronze slightly less white on.

Now, bone to pick because I'm very mad about a recent development. The other day I woke up to the smell of fresh cut grass, and it honestly confused the heck out of me because this is New York City, there isn't exactly an abundance of grass laying around. A few hours later whilst wandering around my bedroom casually naked, I realized they had cut down the tree outside my window that kept me safe from my creepy neighbor. I hung a sheet up in front of my window to stop him from watching me change but I can't exactly sun tan in a tent, so he has full view of me sunbathing....the joys of urban living. I have named him Harold and sometimes I wave just so he knows it's real.

Also, big ups to this lame bronzing something something intensifier something and this lame Kiwi Strawberry concoction. One, for making me as bronze as some tan ass koala or whatever kind of lies you tell me because damn it I am Australian, I shouldn't need this stuff and the other for being 99c. 

Now on a completely unrelated topic, I am quite fond of this graffiti. Mainly because I see it whenever I'm on my roof which only happens in the summer and even though I forget about it most of the year when I see it I'm like,

Ah, here we are again. Wow has it been a whole year since last summer?....Another year is gone. Oh my god, what have I done with my life in the last 12 months. Oh my god....oh my god....oh wait, roof says relax. Thanks Roof Graffit, I almost panicked there. 

 This other graffiti I found today also spoke to me....it was a little more hostile.

Sometimes I forget how to word and just picture instead.

Snap- Soooo....Baby Boy just fell asleep listening to me ramble on about how I am convinced that a ghost is stalking me. I'm sorry but I thought it was a thrilling tale of one redheads journey into insanity....apparently it needs some work.

Now since he is a party pooper, I got bored and decided to come and talk to myself online. I'm thrilling.

Crackle- What's new? Nothing...everything...who knows. I'm in a very rant-y mood recently, I don't know why, I'm just very opinionated about a lot of random things. Sometimes in order to stop getting into debates and ruining friendships I just go to news websites and blow shit up in the comments....You think I'm kidding. I'm not. 

                            

Pop- This week I got back in contact with a very good friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to in a few months now ( Considering at one point in our lives we once spoke every single day this was a big deal!) I am a person who often thinks too deeply about life and who is completely shook by random quotes about death and taking nothing for granted so making sure I'm in contact with those who matter to me is very important. Heck the other day I paced around the office almost ripping my hair out because my Dad hadn't texted me back in a few days, I had to keep going on Facebook to see if my Step mum was still Farmville'ing to make sure nothing major was going down at home. Crisis Averted. P.S. I'm a worrier. 

Rawr- I am someone with an impeccable memory, heck I'm sure I remember more about my brothers/best friends/random stranger on the streets life than they do. The other day though I saw the first signs of old age setting in (This is old age!) There I was, scrolling around on my computer looking for a certain picture of me and a friend when I stumbled upon this picture...

I literally had no idea where it came from. Why was I wearing gloves and a scarf? Why were we in front of a green screen? I was so baffled! I have since worked it out. But the thought of not knowing every detail of every event is a scary thought. Pfft Fuck my 20's!

Boop-The other night my roommate was in his rightful place aka cooking me dinner when I heard a commotion and turned around to see this.

Oh no kitty spilt something on her face? NO! WRONG! My loving roommate actually just threw flour in her face for a reason unexplainable to anybody outside his own mind and almost blinded poor kitty. Boys are weird.

Squash- This is our shelf of shit. My personal favourite item? The tiny nugget of weed on the frame placed there just for Jesus. 

Six- My newest and most favourite hobby is embarrassing my roommate aka little baby Kevin on Facebook. Why is it so fun? I have no idea! It's just something I kind of dig because he gets so mad! It makes me kind of worried that when I have kids I'm going to be one of those embarrassing baby-picture-in-the-handbag-ready-to-show-everyone mums (Dear Future children, if you read this and that is a fitting description of me, I give you permission to shoot me in the head.)

Pip Pip Cheerio, hopefully next time I'll remember how to use words again...but probably not lets be honest.