Life is a Marathon.

I have recently moved into a new home. Both literally, and on my Tiktok FYP. I now live on marathon TikTok, and I hope I never leave! 

Now I want to start by saying, I am not running a marathon. I truly hope the early-30's-hunt-for-purpose-hell-I'll-run-a-marathon! phenomenon never ever gets my new address. I do not want to do it. I don't want blood blisters or chafing, no sir. Keep it.

Although I do not want to personally partake in the blood and sweat of it all, I can understand the appeal. It's people throwing their body into a wall of pain for a plethora of reasons. They love to run, that high people speak of, an act of selflessness to raise money for others, or hey, life is feeling a bit directionless and putting one foot in front of the other is the best place to start.  

I send a big pat on the head and kiss on the nose to all of those people. I'm sure it is incredibly fulfilling but the piece of it all that truly fills my cup is all that is taking place around them.

The supportive, heart-warming joy a marathon seems to stir up in friends, family and strangers alike. My TikTok is full of people chanting strangers names in what I can only assume are moments of sheer pain and exhaustion. I've seen videos of people giving out bunches and bunches of bananas, Gordon Ramsey high-fiving shocked passers-by as he urges them to keep going and people frantically looking up bib numbers to be able to identify people by name as they shuffle by, shocked as a group of strangers cheers their name.

This energy isn't just from behind the barriers though. It's struggling runners, throwing their arms around each other under buckling knees to drag each other across a finish line that nobody is making them cross because they understand the effort it has taken to get there. Friends and loved ones circling back to cross these lines together.

Nothing is making these people do these things, hell, Gordon Ramsey is, I'm sure, a very busy man! They are simply out there spreading some love around. People being nice for the hell of it is one of the purest things in the world.

Everything can often seem so dark and depressing, especially with the amount of unnecessary hate being tossed around by certain world leaders  these days. It is easy to be negative, cynical and forlorn about the cards that are being dealt in front of you. 

Doom scrolling can sometimes be all doom, super gloom but every now and then you get little morsels or joy. Love and motivation and silliness. 

Unironically, I think one of the most beautiful move scenes of all time is the start of Love Actually. Marathon Tok belongs right there nestled under Hugh Grants words.

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling love, actually … is all around.

I hope I never ever leave!

January 2025.

 

lol. If this month doesn't scream JANUARY, I'm not sure what will.

The Duality of Women.

Last Friday I drank so much wine at dinner I fell off the sidewalk, launched my phone into the cobblestones and grazed my knees. A drunk dude dove to my rescue, yanking me up and dusting me off and then I proceeded to walk home barefoot, heels in hand.

I woke up the next day a lil hungover with some seriously sore kneecaps.

Cut to this Friday. I sat on my couch eating popcorn smothered in nutritional yeast, cried watching The Holiday (when Arthur walks in to the auditorium of people clapping for him, it takes me out! My mum had the audacity to say last week she didn't like his story line, so anyway she is cancelled), listened to a showtunes playlist in a bubble bath and was tucked in bed by 9pm.

Por Que No Los Dos!

    -That little cutie in the Old El Paso commercials, and also me...two seconds ago.

Speaking of showtunes, my current showtune of the month is Waving Through a Window. It's having a resurgence in my heart and I would like to make a personal apology to Suddenly Seymour.

Speaking of, for the umpteenth year in a row my Spotify wrapped said jeez girl you listen to a lot of musicals, you lil Broadway baby....also you may be very confused and should probably go to therapy.

         

Since nobody asked my top songs were....

1. Billie Eilish- Good Girls Go to Hell 

2. Hit 'Em Up- Tupac

3. Blowin in the Wind- Sam Cooke

5.That Wasn't Me- Brandi Carlile

and strangely no number 4....how odd...very weird......definitely wasn't Come So Far From Hairspray...anyway moving on 

November.

 

I saw an episode of Criminal Minds once where Penelope noted that someone's GPS was a line, "she goes from her office to home and back again....she even gets her groceries delivered" and I'm not going to lie to you that's a bit what November felt like. Bit of a snoozer!

(Also I did not burp on November 11th, I'm not sure what that sound is and didn't notice until it was too late and it's been buggin' me ever since!)

A mans world.

Donald Trump is not my President....because I don't live in the US anymore.

In 2016 I was still based in New York and was right near Trump Tower when the results came in.

As soon as it was confirmed it was as if people sprouted from the concrete in immediate protest. Although there was anger in the air, the underlying feeling was almost disbelief that somehow the butt of the joke had pulled it off.

Somehow though, this time feels sadder.

It's been 8 years, and in that time this man has taken every opportunity to show the ugliness that lives inside him. At first you think, hmm maybe he is in on the joke? Over inflating his ego for comedic effect? Is it a bit? A poorly thought out character? Then the phrase "when someone shows you who they are, believe them" snaps you out of the confused haze and you realize, oh no...this is no act, this is an egomaniac, gassed up and self serving to his core. The world lays beneath him and as long as he is on top, he doesn't care what state it rots in.

Somehow we ended up here again.

To strip back political parties, red and blue, at it's core we were at the crossroads between decent and disgust and we veered swiftly into the swamp. 

There will always be differing opinions, different beliefs and ideals but there are also good humans and bad humans. There are people who work hard and are empathetic to those around them, people who have compassion and those who don't. There are people who have been given everything they have, and expect more, who spit the dummy when things don't go their way, and respond with hatred at every possible turn.

There are people with experience in spades, and people who have bluffed their way to the top.

That is what truly scares me.

An arrogant, entitled man showing the world that nothing has changed. That you can be a narcissistic asshole, never stopping for even a nanosecond to think of anybody else, and people will adorn your name and push power into your hands. With ego your only compass, forging forward, sneering and showing other young egomaniacs how the world still belongs to them.

Young girls wake again to see another highly qualified woman be denied her chance to try.

My heart genuinely hurts for those robbed of the opportunity for a glimpse of hope. Young girls who have to listen to the men in their life jeer and boast about Donald Trump and all he represents. Who have to accept the fact that an under qualified felon is somehow a more acceptable choice than a highly qualified woman. That compassion and empathy are not characteristics we expect from those entrusted to lead. 

Things on my mind lately.

• My dogs chronic ear infections. 
• How it's possible to have I love you, I'm Sorry by Gracie Abrams literally rolling in a constant loop in my brain 24/7. To top it off, it's all because I saw a Tiktok of a girl figure skating to it and twirling around all majestically and I thought to myself, that seems like a euphoric feeling, maybe I should learn to ice skate and twirl around.
• My inability to love
• How fun girlhood is. It's truly so fun. 
• How much I love knowing random interests and hobbies about my friends and family...truly, like please let me see your Spotify wrapped, tell me all your secrets! Who is your weird celebrity crush? What weird shit did you do as a child? I have to know! 
• Nancy Meyers home decor.
• If I really fell asleep at the head spa the other week or if I was just uber zen and if I was asleep how long was I out for, and did I chat to myself as I do notoriously talk in my sleep.
•  How I deeply love how content I am in myself and my life but yet can't help but wonder if I was a bit more driven, motivated or even insecure in myself if I would have pushed for more, like sure content is very stress free and pleasant but is it secretly the thief of like....utter joy? I am mostly happy, but click your heels together, overwhelming love and joy? I don't think I know her.
• How I really wanted to decorate my house for Halloween but at the same time...it's Spring. I have flowers coming out of my ears at the moment, but it feels chaotic to throw in some pumpkins when it's not even fall? 
• Where the hell my scissors went?
• How I don't think I have ever, even for a moment, not treated myself. Even when I was 18, and my paycheck did not even cover my rent, I would eat a Whatchamacallit on my walk home from work at 1am, partially in an effort to not pass out due to lack of food, but primarily because I always deserve a little treat at all times, also the world, I deserve that too.
• Where my phone went after I woke up with a concussion after our house party in 2013...did I actually throw it out the window? Also what photos were on that thing, I would love to know! I was always very drunk and messy at that time so it probably held some gold!
• How if I could dress like any singular person in my day to day life it would be the flashy girl from Flushing.
• Secondary thought to above, I was always weirdly attracted to Ray Romano, so maybe I'm destined to be in Queens (ignoring the fact that I did live there when I was 18...would be a bummer if I failed at my destiny at such a young age!)