I'm not ranting about Kim Kardashian...I'm ranting about the people ranting about Kim Kardashian.

Dear everybody who wouldn't shut up about Kim Kardashian,

There are people in the world doing amazing things, achieving actual goals and succeeding at mastering real skills. There are so many things so worthy of your time, whether they be people,places or things.A woman getting naked, especially one who has gotten naked on various occasions and has only ever presented that as her singular talent, is not worthy of this much of your time.

The internet is an amazing thing, it can do so much. Do you want to learn a new language? Cool, the internet can show you that. Too deep? Do you know you can watch every episode of Friends right now by simply clicking a few buttons? That is an amazing TV show! And yet you are spending your time arguing with people you don't even know about someone you have never even met.

Re-prioritize people. 

Procrastinate better.

Sincerely,

The Dude List.

I am a bonafide frat boy. My girlfriends are always commenting on my need to call everybody, "my dude" and the number of times I manage to slip the word bro into conversation is kind of nauseating. I don't even know where it started from but my love of all things "dude" dates back pre-high school at least. I loved dudes so much I actually have an on going list of the dudest dudes in town.

I remember explaining this to my mother one night, a lady who has put up with me enthusiastically describing how I was once her womb tenant and lived next to her spleen or constantly asking the question,

"What would you do if I just died right now?"

She understands my quirks, therefore I knew she would understand the dude list!

The Dude List is essentially an ever growing list of people I believe have all the traits of a true dude, they're effortless cool and you just want to either a) be there best friend, b)love of them or c) just be somewhat in their general vicinity. 

It's not a long list due to the fact that it is a very exclusive, I'm sure David Beckham is crying right now about how his voice leaves him eternally black listed from such a prestigious title. 

As of today, August 7th 2013, this list is as follows...

Jay Z

The originator of the dude list. Anybody who knows me, knows that Big L is my favorite rapper so this title has nothing to do with my love for his music. I just think Jay Z is literally the coolest person in the world. point blank. moving on. 

Jeremy Clarkson

 Top Gear is one of my favorite TV shows (British version only!…obviously) but it has nothing to do with my deep love of cars. Heck, I've had one car in my life….A light green Ford Taurus I loving named Ronald for his old man-ish qualities ("Mum, look at Ronald, doesn't he look like he should have a mustache!"….told you she understand my quirks!) I love it for one reason, Jeremy Clarkson. 

Rod Stewart

Dudes a pimp, pimps are dudes. follow along. 

George Clooney

I don't even know how he ended up here it just seemed wrong to not include him....plus he had a pet pig. Duuude.

Paul Rodriquez

He made the dude list by default. It honestly has less to do with how dudey he is and more to do with the fact that I'm madly in love with him….

Uncle Jesse

Full House is a great fucking show, and I'm sorry but I would have loved an Uncle Jesse in my life….except not my Uncle because that would make my constant desire to make out with him a little weird….I just wanted a  bud die, Jesse….who I could make out with…obviously

Pharrell

The Highlight of my entire existance to date was the weekend I spent with Pharrell in Miami. If you can think of anybody smoother than this dude I would give you my first born....or a dollar....

My homie, Kirill

kirillwashere.com . And that is all I have to say on that matter.

My youngest brother- Declan

swag. 

I love you all, just some more than others!

When I can't sleep I have this weird habit of laying in bed and quantifying my love for well....everything. I think it's important to let Calamity Jane know that yes, I do you love you....just not as much as Forrest Gump! Or for avocados to know that although they may be my favourite vegetable, I'm afraid Olive Garden bread sticks will always trump them in the grand scheme of things. It's a weird little habit....a quirk if you will. But it often leaves me wide awake in to the wee hours of the morning.Tonight it was musics turn to be pointlessly judged.

I'm the kind of asshole who, when asked what genre of music they like the best, shrugs and says,  "I dunno...I listen to all of it!" I can't help it! It's the truth. I literally listen to anything, spending hours digging around looking for my newest obsessions. But on the other hand, it is my least favourite topic to discuss with strangers. I hate music debates. All my favourite songs are their because they are attached to a plethora of memories, whether it be the period of my teen years when I religiously watched art student videos for weeks on end, or the endless summer days my best friend and I spent sitting in a parked car playing dirty mad libs, listening to the same song on repeat and complaining about how bored we were.


But alas,


(I originally  listed the reasons why they were my favourite but then I remembered that oh wait, you don't know me like that) 


1. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers- American Girl

2. Elvis- Pocketful of Rainbows 

3. The Beatles- Maxwell Silver Hammer

4. Big L- Put it On

5. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones- The Impression that I get 

6. Rod Stewart- Maggie May

7. The Dexy's Midnight Runners- Come on Eileen

8. Silverchair- Anthem for the Year 2000

9. Jay Z- Blueprint 2 + Glory (I'm allowed two for the price of one...it's my list damn it!)

10. The Cat Empire- Two Shoes

11. Muse- Madness