You know how they say millennial dog parents are the fucking worst creatures to walk the earth or whatever? What's up motherfuckers, sorry you weren't hugged enough as a child, buckle up!
Norm is two today and he deserves all the praise and adoration I can muster because one day we will die and my love for him deserves to live forever on the internet (I can confirm these deaths will take place on the same day because once he goes, in the words of our lord and saviour, Taylor Swift, I will be jumping off of very tall somethings.) Wow this took a turn.
Norm is a literal star. All he wants in life is to wake up early (it has been observed that he lovingly body checks me repeatedly in the morning until I wake), be your best friend (that is a collective your, he isn't picky he already thinks you are the best) and most importantly, love and adore the apple of his eye, Buttons (my parents dog who is jacked like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and has incontinence issues so occasionally has to wear a diaper, no judgement from Big Norm!)
When I walk in my front door, whether I've been gone 4 seconds or 4 hours, Norm jumps double his body height to let me know he missed me. Do you know who else has gained air because they love me? Literally nobody I have ever met, like honestly click your heels so I know it's real or something.
Does he insist on sleeping on solely silk pillow cases? Yes. Did he get in trouble at day care once and my instinct was to rip him out because he's an angel and she was wrong? A possibility. Has he, in the past, ejaculated all over the patio whilst people were actively eating dinner? Suuuure (That minx Buttons gets him every time!)
But would I literally chop off my arm for him any day of the week? For suuuure.
Thank you Normie for being an absolutely legend, for not judging me when I cry during your favorutie TV show (The Dog House....it really kicks you in the nuts) and most improtantly for not hating me forever when I roll in drunk and torment you way past your bedtime.
As I always tell you (and it's a good thing I do because I'm not 100% sure you can read) You are my best mate and I think all the other dogs are definitely jealous of how handsome you are.
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