My face at that moment. Obviously.
Yikes.
So I have decided to clear through them in the hunt for some gold.
The first one is titled Perverts in the Park from April 19th 2013. Upon opening it up, I realize it is completely blank. Bad start....delete.
Another has no title and the entire contents was a simple list...
Meat Pie
Sausage Rolls
Paddle Pop
Golden Gaytime
Sausage Sizzle
I'm going to go ahead and assume I was quite hungry and missing Australia on that sunny July day. Anyway, delete.
A few weeks later in August I had two separate one lined drafts. It rained in New York Today and then five days later the not quite as clear It rained in New. It must have been a rainy and boring few days. Delete.
My next, more lengthy post is titled wHITE GIRL COMPLEX, and that title alone means I'm probably about to open some really high-brow content.
I don't understand it. This weird world of only eating asparagus and a few raw almonds. Health is one thing but this is INSANITY PEOPLE! The other day a friend of mine almost bore a whole in the floor of her apartment doing jumping jacks because she was determined to lose two pounds before we went out for the night. TWO POUNDS? Cut of your big toe and call it a day people!
Yikes, I was opinionated back in 2013 huh? My favourite line of the whole thing was about having no problem yelling that I was a size 6 from the rooftops. Oh sweet little child, gone are the size 6 days let me tell you, delete.
Two of my favourites from that Fall again have no content, just a cutting headline and a blinking cursor. People I hate followed a week later with Things I don't understand about Guys. Apparently as the weather started to cool, so did the feelings in my 20 year old heart......and boy did it cool quickly
(August 13th, 2013) ...Who decided this was cool? Who decided making women uncomfortable as they walk from point A to point B was anything other than annoying? I can't tell if it is a mans attempt to be flattering, if they really think they will gain anything from such an exchange or whether they just want to swing there penis around because I am man hear me roar.
Yikes, delete (but still a completely valid point!)
By mid-October I had moved on to 50 Facts about Myself. I started 3 different posts on this very topic and never got past #8, riveting and delete.
On October 29th, I decided to drop a complete cliffhanger.
My life is one blunder after the next. The fact that I am still alive to speak of my stupidity stuns me every day.
The blunder most recently?
AND THEN NOTHING! I'm genuinely curious what that mishap was...delete.
Then things took a really bizarre turn. To preface this, I started this post I'm currently writing before I started going through my drafts, with no idea what was inside. I genuinely didn't think I had every done this before, but I just stumbled on a post from October 30th, 2013 title? Saved Drafts. and don't worry the content is equally as thrilling...
Today I went back and read all the draft post
"Today I listened to a hell of a lot of Fleetwood Mac, ate Crif Dog and then immediately wanted to kill myself because of my poor choices and wanted to rip my ovaries out."
Damn. Nothing really has changed in 6 years....annnnnd delete.
After wading through a few more weeks of Untitled Posts with nothing but a blinking cursor and the odd cryptic post such as Sometimes I... I stumbled into a section of emails I had drafted to an ex-boyfriend...delete, delete, delete, delete, WHY ISN'T THIS DELETING FASTER!
Today I thought about calling the dentist and making an appointment...it made me feel like a real adult. But then I remembered I hate talking to people on the phone and I chickened out. So Close.
Still mostly true. Delete.
Fast forward to February 2014 and a post titled Things I need to STOP DOING
Telling people I can't go out because I feel sick.
WRONG! NO! The reason I don't want to go out? I went out yesterday and I hate people so that was a massive stretch. In all actuality I have always been quite an introverted person. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and spending time with them but I also love being by myself. It's almost as if being around people, especially large amounts of strangers, exhausts me. I need my own time to recharge and think deep philosophical things....and watch tons and tons of really bad TV shows.
Forgetting to look at the weather.
My least favourite thing about NYC is that you are constantly forced to take public transport, a)because I hate people remember! b)I love driving. I suck at it! But I have a blast doing it. and c) it means lots of walking long distances and general inconvenience.
Telling people to suck my dick.
I don't have a penis which is reason enough to stop, but
Still all true. DELETE.
A post titled I've been looking for you Lone Star?
With just a single picture...
Google tells me this is a quote from Dallas Buyers Club. My roommates and I did sit around and watch this around about that time, so I mean...checks out, but delete.
I've been listening to Kelly Clarkson's Christmas album wrapped in red on repeat for 3 days....it's March. Deleting, while simultaneously rocking around the fucking Christmas tree.
While Run, Run Rudolph blasts away happily in the background I come across some pure, confused 20 year old emotions...yikes...
(March 14th, 2014) The important thing to remember is that there is a reason the names you hear around in stories from your new love are in the past. If there was still something there, they would probably not be with you.
(March 22nd, 2014) At one point this boy had literally been my other. We spent all night watching terrible TLC shows, he made me watch hockey before I was ever a fan, we got kicked out of the studio together for being too utterly obnoxious. He was always there. Even when I screamed at him to not be, he was there. He was the most familiar thing in this foreign city, and I made this stupid decision to discard that.
(March 23rd, 2014) Is it possible for your morals to grow?
(March 24th, 2014)Today whilst having a little chat with my roommate he said something that literally embodied every thing I've been feeling these last couple of weeks.
"I don't even feel like they are my good friends, they are just people I get drunk and have fun with."
My last post from March 2014 was simply titled March. and was completely blank. I'm sure it was supposed to be a scathing review of the month I had just emotionally battled through because seriously...yikes. Don't worry little me, I'll keep your long winded March posts exactly where you left them.
Everything is coming up April...
Hey do you ride bikes? Do you want this bike? I will sell you this bike.
No thank you.
I look black don't I? But I'm not, I'm Panamanian. Don't I look black?
Uhmmm...I guess?
I'm not though! I'm Panamanian.
That must be nice.
and of course,
Dermot Mulroney isn't aging as well as 14 year old Jordyn would have liked.
Delete, and a personal apology to Dermot Mulroney, I am still very much in love with you.
Holy Shit, remember how I said we left dramatic emotions in March? Wrong.
This time I wasn't crying because of the physical pain I had surging through my veins leaving me hot, but instead to mourn the loss of the fresh, young girl with a life untouched by this venomous city. That girl was gone, brutally maimed and replaced with whatever this was, a battered and broken little girl living deep within this strange robot exterior.
Hmmm....2014 is off to a smashing start.
The next entry is titled Kardashian Nation and contains just a single line,
The other morning I woke up covered in cereal and clutching an empty bottle of wine.
She's back ladies and gentleman, she is BACK....and delete.
By June I had decided to look a the positive with a post titled Things I love. What was on the list?
Cool Ranch Doritos
Puppes
Well.....it was a start. Delete.
June continued with a single post titled Haunt Me. That contained just a single excerpt from a conversation...
"Hey Jordyn, I read your blog the other day where you said you liked certain words. My favourite word is ejaculate. Isn't that a great word? Like you literally ejaculate the word ejaculate from your mouth."
I literally have no idea who had originally said that, but I am judging them. Delete.
An August post titled I Haven't Packed was written right before a trip to New Zealand and contained just a single screenshot...
Great content. Delete. (Sidenote. That picture of George Clooney covered in spots from W Magazine that was my background is still one of my favourites!)
Bored yet? Great, let's crack on!
Time to wade through some mess...
(November 8th, 2014) breaking the law breaking the law- infraction.
cerebrattttion.
Opposite.
I am as confused as you are.
Anyway as the emotional and messy months of 2014 come to and end, I decide to begin reminiscing about my thrilling childhood.
How does Harry Styles rock white skinny jeans so well? This should be a major turn off...but I'm totally into it.
The saddest part of this post is that shortly after, my brother informed me that Harry Styles actually looks exactly like my old roommate which became a sight I couldn't unsee and therefore the end of my Harry Styles phrase. RIP + DLT.
November of that year brought us squishy friend moments...
Today I threw up on myself, washed my clothes in the sink at work, stated a juice cleanse (and followed it up with a rice crispy treat), and then hysterically bawled my eyes out watching Survivor.
22 is fun.
22 is easy.
Talk about a full circle moment....TOLD YOU I LOVED SURVIVOR!
She's back ladies and gentleman, she is BACK....and delete.
By June I had decided to look a the positive with a post titled Things I love. What was on the list?
Cool Ranch Doritos
Puppes
Well.....it was a start. Delete.
June continued with a single post titled Haunt Me. That contained just a single excerpt from a conversation...
"Hey Jordyn, I read your blog the other day where you said you liked certain words. My favourite word is ejaculate. Isn't that a great word? Like you literally ejaculate the word ejaculate from your mouth."
I literally have no idea who had originally said that, but I am judging them. Delete.
An August post titled I Haven't Packed was written right before a trip to New Zealand and contained just a single screenshot...
Great content. Delete. (Sidenote. That picture of George Clooney covered in spots from W Magazine that was my background is still one of my favourites!)
Bored yet? Great, let's crack on!
Time to wade through some mess...
Said Mess.
cerebrattttion.
Opposite.
I am as confused as you are.
Anyway as the emotional and messy months of 2014 come to and end, I decide to begin reminiscing about my thrilling childhood.
Once in the 3rd grade my best friend and I decided we needed the worlds largest ball of blu-tac. I'm not sure where exactly this fascination came from, but we did a lot of weird things (we had pet rocks with googly eyes, we made flyers for our own chocolate factory we planned on opening, and we avidly supported left handers day). So this thought was not unusual and so we went about collecting blu-tac. It was an addiction, a really weird, nerdy addiction. It wasn't until the posters began to fall from the walls of the classroom that people really started to get suspicious. Eventually our master plan was foiled when the ever sweet Mrs. Patterson had enough of falling artwork and demanded we stop stealing her precious supply. Heartbroken we gave up. To this day I'm not sure what exactly happened to that giant (albeit a little bizarre) ball of 'tac but I'm sure he is living well...or in the trash...who really knows.
See I wasn't just a weird adult, I was also a pretty weird child. My partner in Blu-Tac crime is also the friend who unfortunately took a dunk in our very dirty pool in the middle of winter, and who cut me off as a friend the Summer before 6th grade. What a great time in my life to remember, deleteeeeee.
By the time my next draft rolls around it's already July of 2015 and I have some really hard hitting information to share.
The saddest part of this post is that shortly after, my brother informed me that Harry Styles actually looks exactly like my old roommate which became a sight I couldn't unsee and therefore the end of my Harry Styles phrase. RIP + DLT.
November of that year brought us squishy friend moments...
Sidenote, There are very few things I truly miss in my life. But that friendship is one of them. Alas, we roll on.
The next few drafts fall into two categories, completely blank or personal emails to individual people never intended to be posted to strangers online.
Finally, I have reached my last draft.
22 is fun.
22 is easy.
Talk about a full circle moment....TOLD YOU I LOVED SURVIVOR!
