Ranting about world stuff.

Some nights I fall into the internet.

Some nights they are good tumbles, filled with children doing hilarious things or videos of peopling eat foreign food on Buzzfeed.

Some nights they are emotional scrolls through pages and pages of historical tragedies.

Tonight though, I fell into a black hole of a different variety. A wander through the Twitter accounts that belonged to the friends/ families/acquaintances of the victims of a recent school shooting in Washington.

Firstly, a little backstory, I have never lost anybody to tragedy, in fact I have only ever lost one person  in my entire life. I am lucky. My grieving has been minimal, and death has never been a major factor in my life to date...I do not know what these people are going through.

Because of this I wouldn't normally judge, instead choosing to respect that this is their way of grieving and move politely on their way. But something about this particular case is grinding on me.

Like you would expect, these twitter accounts are filled with emotional tears and pictures from the past, there are tributes and memories being shared and the omnipresent creepy New York Times journalists lurking about begging for an interview. But instead of two little angel emojis signing every tweet for the two girls who were brutally murdered....there are three.

These people are calling their best friends murder, an angel.

"Rest in peace my loves Jaylen F, Gia S & Zoe G. I love you all"

"I know you and God will be looking after Zoe and Gia in Heaven Jaylen! Atleast you are together up there!"

This person even claimed they were mad that people were calling Jaylen a murderer....even after he murdered all those people.

Like yeah man, fuck the haters right?

Whenever one of these events take place we are suddenly face to the face with the murderer. They are on every newsstands, people appear to come out of every woodwork in town to claim that they were truly a good person and the victims? They become a number. They are simply one of 12 slain...5 shot...6 dead.

We all know who Adam Lanza is, but can someone tell me even two of his 6 year old victims?

I can't, and I truly wish I could.

Whilst doing a little background wandering (and how I initially found the twitter accounts) I stumbled upon this article titled, Jaylen Fryberg: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know. Fact 1 told me that apparently I needed to know he recently broke up with his girlfriend.

I didn't.

I've broken up with someone before, heck I've even been jealous of another's relationship before and do you know what I didn't do? Murder people.

This boy should not be glorified, he should not be romanticized and he definitely should not have his name memorialized beside the lives he stole.

This boy is not in heaven.

This boy is not an angel.

This boy is a murderer.

If you shoot even a single someone in the head, you are not and will never ever be a good person.

Side note: One of the boys shot and cousin of the shooter, Nate Hatch, tweeted his forgiveness for his shooter. This I can respect, forgiveness to me is a personal thing. Forgiveness is refusing to let another dictate your emotions, it's freeing your mind for your own sake. It is not justifying a killers actions.

Whoops.

 I was just scrolling through my photos and noticed that there was another Google + made gif I completely missed! And it was of the lady of the hour! My mother herself had been immortalized in the very thing that baffled her!

 That's all I have.

I'm an awesome blogger.

This life ain't so bad.

I write a lot about a crossroads, constant epiphanies and life plans. I write a lot about where I'm going and who I'm going with, about what I want to be and who I am. I write about moments of elation and day long happiness. I write about blurs and grey periods, I write about frustrations with where I'm at and where I want to be. I write...a lot.

Recently I've been feeling a lot of sadness. I often find myself feeling many things...confused, optimistic, joyous or lost...but rarely sad...but it is at that moment when I am reminded that the best part about putting my life in words is that they are always there to read later, to give me hope and put me back on track...

After reading a lot of my scribblings in the endless diaries and journals I possess, I came to a realization.  You can point your finger at every single person but at the end of the day, you are the author. Your life is your own, it is for you and if there is a problem ultimately it is your fault.

Not because you are the cause, but because you are not being the resolution.

If you are unhappy with where you are? Go somewhere else.

If you are frustrated by the people you surround yourself with? Find some new people....(people that respect you....people who actually care about who you are, what you want out of life...people who listen when you speak....oh sorry...tangent... where was I again?)

That's where I am.

Well at least that is where I'm trying to be...

Oh, also on my to do list? Find pale friends!

This post is purely for my Mum....

The other day I was telling my mum about how Google Plus always takes my selfies (or at least any picture I take repeatedly of the same thing all at one time) and makes them gifs and she mentioned she couldn't see them and instead they just looked like weird awkward selfies. So I present to you "Every single Gif Google Plus has made of my weird looking face that my Mum can't see and will never understand"

Also, the reason I have so many selfies is because my ex and I have this thing where we don't actually talk we just send selfies back and forth....maybe this is why his girlfriend hates me? epiphany!

That stage of drunk where your hair just kind of ends up on a drunk pile atop your head.

Being adorable to send to my Dad a selfie to remind him I am forever the greatest fathers day gift....also those selfies you take but forget to send....hey Dad, this is me being adorable.

New Zealand is ok...not as good as Australia...but ok.

Cutting all my hair off emotions.

I'm really good at selfies.

Did you sneeze bro? No? Just your face?

It's my birthday.....super happy?

Drunk on the metro north....people are staring...eating chex mix.Also too lazy to untie headphones.

Stephi loves cheesecake. 

Gabe loves mirrors....and actually anything that houses his reflection.

Bitches love Sombreros.

The locked out hallway series....many onlookers....no embarrassment.

The day Calvin told me I looked like a cocker spaniel. 

There's no place like home.

Bye work. Buy Alcohol.

I do the duck face ironically I swear. 

Kenneth Cole has a great selfie mirror.

I'm bored of my face now...

Oh look Kendals face instead!

A lot of people at Union Square Station at 4 am watched me take these.

Just being a cupcake...always.

20 year old Existential crisis.

That time I got a concussion and wanted to die....so I took selfies so everyone knew I wanted to die. 

Ok I literally can't look at any more moving pictures of my stupid face....

Oh and also a word to future me- looking through pictures of yourself is a really bad idea...because you are a really weird human....

I used to party on a Friday....now I do this with my life...#sobriety

Buzzfeed gave me this.

I gave them....well....this

1. On average, how many times a week do you hurt yourself trying to dance in the shower?

Never...but once I was giving it hell and accidentally broke our shower curtain rod. My roommates continually bitched about it falling down for a week or so until King Thomas managed to fix it....they must never know. 

2. What’s the most money you’ve ever drunkenly spent at McDonald’s?

A lot, because apparently, "I'm sorry Mam' in order to use the restroom you must be a customer." translates to, "You have to buy everything....no not just a small fry...EVERYTHING...OR ELSE THEY WILL NOT LET YOU PEE...YOUR BLADDER WILL EXPLODE." 

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how intolerable do you find baby pictures on Facebook?

zero. Because I have a soul and babes are babes. 

4. How many bowls of cereal do you eat every single day and why aren’t you eating more?

zero because zero.

5. Who would you let punch you directly in the face?

Like maybe a cute baby....but that is even pushing it. 

6. How many days have you gone without showering?

Probably like a million when I was 4 and showering was satan, I just reapplied my powder blue eyeshadow and marched outside to play.

7. How old were you when you realized Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny probably never actually knew one another in real life?

Probably pretty  young, I never had time for that baby crap, I was a big girl with places to go and people to see.

8. Can you fit your whole fist in your mouth?

"Uhm...what are you doing?" - My ever understanding baby boy as he watches me almost break all my teeth with my fist.

....oh and No.

9. What’s your favorite flavor of Skittle?

All of them in large handfuls hurtaling towards the back of my throat. 

10. How many sandwiches have you eaten off the floor?

Literally zero, get your life together Buzzfeed.

11. How many bottles of wine have you finished without ever actually pouring any of the wine into a glass?

Literally all of them, get your life together Jordyn.

12. Who was your favorite Power Ranger?

Pink, because I have a vagina.

13. What did you do the night Whitney Houston died?

I looked it up, apparently she died in February of 2012....I was probably being a sloppy drunk 18 year old...but who honestly knows, I could have been at church.

14. How many donuts are you capable of eating in one sitting?

All of them.

15. Who was your favorite Spice Girl?

Baby Spice or die.

16. How violently do you have to fight the urge to scream when you hear the ice cream truck coming?

I'm a grown adult....

....so I have a credit card that can make ice-cream appear at my door whenever I desire....suck it kids.

17. Say there’s like a whole box of Teddy Grahams in a room all by themselves. Say I left them there and told you not to eat any until I got back. How long would you take you to disobey my wishes?

I wouldn't because I'm not an asshole....or 3 hours because by that time you are most likely dead so I mean fair game. 

18. How many Taylor Swift songs do you actually listen to every single day?

If you can honestly say Shake it Off doesn't make you literally shake it off, you are a liar. 

19. How long after you feel full do you keep eating for?

Literally until death.

21. Do you agree that Harry Potter was a huge asshole and probably the least exciting character in the entire series? Like, he spent seven years terrorizing his friends with his own problems, ya know? They had their own shit going on and here comes Harry Fucking Potter just fucking shit up left and RIGHT? They had lives, too. They all had lives, Harry. IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

If it wasn't for Harry all those motherfuckers would have been dead because it was that little punk ass baby you stopped the Dark Lord, so fucking respect your saviour.

22. How many people do you fall in love with every day?

Literally everybody.

23. How many friendships have you ruined because you refused to play a game of Monopoly mercifully?

If you can honestly tell me you made it through an entire game of Monopoly, than I mean congrats on wasting too much of your damn time. 

24. What do you do when a baby just stares at you in public? Like, doesn’t even blink, just maintains intense, aggressive eye contact with their dumb baby face. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?

You smile and wave at it, maybe scrunch up your nose a little...or you flip that motherfucker off....I mean there are really only two options

25. What is your favorite kind of cookie?

Tim Tams because duh.

26. How long do you wait after finishing your first plate of food before getting a second plate of food?

I prefer the human centipede of plates, there isn't really an end it just kind of keeps refilling whilst I eat....this analogy has very little to do with the human centipede...it was simply on my mind. 

27. When you’re at a buffet, how many trays of food do you start off with?

Yeah man skip plates, go straight to trays. 

28. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever unintentionally vomited?

Underneath my ex's bed...as I hanging off it...apparently that was where he kept all his shoes....so I guess all over my ex's shoes? 

29. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever intentionally vomited?

Out my bedroom window on like every morning of my life? Don't worry it simply goes on to my neighbors roof....or the dead bird that is rotting away on my fire escape...whichever. 

30. If I gave you $10 bucks to go buy me chocolate milk, and it only cost $3, would you bring me all the change or would you tell me it was actually $10? Because I’ll know. I’ll know chocolate milk doesn’t cost that much.

What I've gathered from this survey is that whoever wrote it definitely needs some new fucking friends.

31. How many seconds would it take you to eat this entire block of cheese?

I tend to buy some, be mad hyped for like a bite....let it rot away in my fridge for years and then randomly remember I have it and being like fuck yeah mama's going to eat some cheese! Before pulling it out and noticing it is now officially green and being sad.

32. Have you ever found the image of a biblical figure on a piece of toast?

I'm nearing the end of my rope with your basic ass questions Buzzfeed. 

33. How long does it take you to scroll through Facebook before giving up?

I get about two mouse clicks and then get bored and go and read my own timeline because I'm so much more hilarious than everybody else...obviously.

34. Who do you just hate the most?

George Clooney's home wrecking wife?

35. Do you think Zac Efron is really nice in real life or does he just walk around with his abs out telling people to go fetch him vegetables?

Do you know Zac Efron didn't sing any of the songs in the High School Musical 1? Like come the fuck on Zac, get your head in the game. 

36. What’s your favorite thing to order from the Olive Garden?

My girlfriends and I always used to order Strawberry Daiquiris....like I mean fuck Strawberry Daiquiris but you have to respect a tradition....

37. How many times does it take for you to listen to a song that you love before you actually hate it instead?

Never times. 

38. Do you ever stop and think about the number of butts in the world? Like. Woah. Am I RIGHT?

Remember the end of my rope we spoke of? This is it. Bye hataz.

Throwback Thursday

I don't have Instagram...therefore I don't Throwback Thursday....I feel like I'm missing out on an important life moment...so I'm going to start doing it right here, try and stop me.

Apparently Summer is really exhausting when you are 17.

I was a very unimpressed child.

I took this selfie drunk at 2am on New Years Eve 2011 and I just remember being so fucking stoked on it at the time....then Adele's album cover for 21 came out and I realized the bitch had totally stolen my Facebook profile picture!! #swaggerjagger #hataz.

Speaking of proud New Years Eve selfies...I took this Selfie on New Years Eve 2009 with all the girls who define my high school existence....also can we quickly stop to talk about how 15 year old Jordyn is identical to 21 year old Jordyn? 

....12 years old was a challenging time for all of us ok! 

Look who remembered how to blog.

I'm back (kind of...I lost the .com domain...but I'm told .net is the new fall color, so get onboard)

I have a laundry list of excuses but to save us all the time, they all whittle down to the fact that I have been in a major blue period.

Not blue in the sense of unimaginable sadness, or grieving...simply blue. I've been existing, constantly busy but never fulfilled...lost? or I mean not lost...just simply not found.

I have blamed this constant emotional blur on age for the last 6 years now, I'm hoping one day the bubble finally bursts and I'm complete, but after talking to people many years my senior I doubt that ever truly happens. 

I'm beginning to think we simply muddle through. Some days are filled with more clarity than others, some days our face hurts from smiling and the next it's moistened with tears and we are constantly left questioning what is coming next. 

Now we have reached the part of the post where I remind myself to chill the fuck out and simply throw in a bunch of way past due photos from my trip to New Zealand to counteract all the depth.

Have you ever seen the Youtube video "Annoying?" I have now seen it in real life, starring my equally as annoying younger brothers. 

And on that note, I bid you adieu....

 Oh and to all the lovely people in my life who are wondering why I appeared to gain 43 pounds whilst abroad...Turner's love a good floor picnic, drinking too much wine and ice-cream with every meal.