I haven't been blogging....
Because I haven't been doing anything...
Well besides dying.
*Enter lengthy rant bout how sick I have been*
Luckily for me I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel...and by that I mean I no longer have a million degree fever, although I do still have this intense, 50 packs of cigarettes a day cough... You know the kind of cough where people wince and look over at you just to check and make sure that your lung didn't come hurtling out of your esophagus....it's honestly a giant party.
But apart from death, life has been tame.....with a side of boob castles...but tame none the less.
Boob......castle....
Oh wait silly me, something super exciting did happen today.... I stepped in two different piles of vomit on my walk home tonight (aka why couldn't you all just barf into your purse like that strung out blond girl on the N train?) New York on a Saturday night is an ever classy location. A man even ran up behind me to inform me that I had in fact stepped in vomit, as if me yelling for the world to fuck me again wasn't clue enough that I understood what was happening. Actually, I think it is actually programmed deep within us to inform someone whenever you are aware that they in fact have another persons regurgitated lasagna on their person. A fact I learned a few years ago when a friend and I were walking home from the bar and he very gracefully penny boarded back first into a stray pile of chunky street potatoes and a car full of hyped up dudes pulled over to mock his misfortune....to be fair he did just kind of lay there for a minute and splashed about in his puddle of love....he kind of deserved it.
Speaking of deserving it (boom segway), can we all take a minute to appreciate the fact that my little brother deserves a kick in the nads? Why is that? I hear the crowds bellow....please see below visual representation...
Never have I ever been more disrespected!
I guess this is probably payback for all those times I used to beat the crap out of him until he told me I was God...and perfect....and beautiful...and....
I pity the man who marries me.
Oh and I cut all my hair off.....
Also, I'm going to really need someone to inform me how to properly face, because I haven't mastered it yet.
