Wilt my Spinach.

I am Australian. This is where I am from originally buuuuut I did spend half my life in the US so sometimes my language gets little confused in some places i.e. rubbish bin isn't a thing to me anymore...that's a trash can. For the most part though, I definitely tend to be more classically Australian. My accent has come back to me since I've moved home but there are two words I can not vibe with these Aussies on.

1. Pistachio. Mate. It's Pis-tash-ee-o....If one more Australian hits me with a Pis-tah-shee-o like they are the god damn queen of England I'm gonna bop them on the head.

and now for the more topical one...

2. Maroon. Do you see those double O's? Moo it out my brothers, what in the hell is Ma-rone?

Long Story Short, it's State of Origin tonight and truly thank god it's game three as there is very little I can force myself to care about less. Like yeah yeah, Go Maroons but make it speedy because I'm over it.

Current Life Updates:

• I'm still annoyed that my brunch on Saturday had raw spinach instead of cooked, who wants Eggs Benny in a bowl of raw ass spinach? I've been thinking about it for days.
• My Dad and I accidentally bought matching jackets. He bought his to wear on his Harley and I bought mine to stunt on these hoes. 
• I had a dirty dream about Noel Gallagher the other night, was honestly kind of ot of this world. Who knew.
• I track all my dog walks in an effort to make sure Normie hits 100k's per month for no reason other than I decided we must and the poor boy, I was on the phone the other afternoon walking in circles around some trees whilst he probably planned how he was going to gnaw himself free to get away from me.

• My period is 6 days late and my Flo app is giving me grief about it, chill out mam she will get here when she gets here!
• I left my Air Pod case in an Uber today and got so annoyed I waited maybe 30 mins after reporting them before express ordering new ones to my door in frustration.

That's about all.

Life has been truly riveting.

G2G.

 

Groundbreaking.

 

Today on predictable life update. Sad Girl dyes her hair dark, what's next? bangs?

 Not having a fabulous time. Pretty Moody. Probably wouldn't piss me off. High risk of getting exceptionally mean. 

End life update.

Oh also I had Covid the other week, yep in 2025, how fun and funky fresh.

Life is sick.

Sexy Raspy Voice Activated.

Carol Baskin was really onto something when she started calling everyone cool cats and kittens because let me tell you I fight the urge to start every post with it.

Happy Saturday Morning, coming to you live from bed where I plan to be for the next 24 hours because I feel....rough!

Random fact about me, I have a pretty good immune system when it comes to the ol' cold and flu (although my high school attendance sheet would think this couldn't possibly be true... missed a lot of school, faked a lot of sick). I genuinely don't remember the last time I had the flu, and I'm often left baffled by those around me who seem to be catching something every 34 seconds. That's why it breaks my little heart to update, so sick, shiver shiver, brr brr. 

So with that being said if anybody needs me I will be under covers, but here are some photos of my last week to give the illusion I'm out and about.

Ta ta.

I am being tested.

On Saturday afternoon instead of making a questionable choice I listened to a Podcast and took the Ferry up and down the river twice.

On Sunday Morning instead of making a questionable choice I stood on the side of the road watching motivated people run up and down whilst trying to stop Norman from joining in.

On Sunday night instead of making a questionable choice I turned off my phone and watched F1 with my dog.

On Tuesday instead of making a questionable choice I worked late at work with only my miracle pot plant that dies and revives itself weekly for company.

On Wednesday instead of making a questionable choice I did two Pelaton classes, sauna'd and then went home and did another Peloton class just to feel something.

Tonight instead of making a questionable choice I ate a bao bun and my weight in edamame whilst binge watching Bravo for literal hours.

Tomorrow instead of making a questionable choice I am literally leaving the state for a few days.

Yet whilst I'm far away or chowing or walking or binging Bravo, I'm wanting nothing more than to make a questionable choice.

Life truly is a kick in the teeth sometimes. Now if you will please excuse me I'm gong to go eat a Kiwi or join a cult or learn Mandarin.

I wrote this with two band aids on my fingers to hold my failing acrylics on.

     Today I opened this yee blog of mine to find that the most popular post currently was one I wrote almost 12 years ago called In the last 24 hours.... Intrigued at what 20 year old Jordan was up to in August of 2013, I had a little peak and tell me why my first thought was, this all happened in 24 hours? I was in the rain, on the subway, visiting friends, doing a juice cleanse, taking a joyride around Brooklyn and I still had time for some brownnosing

Now to be fair, I'm not saying I was curing cancer and inventing time travel but tell me why reading through that day transported me back to how bustling my life was at the time, how bustling I was! I was living in New York, in an apartment of 6, working with chatty colleagues and chatting with chatty friends, I was dating and hating and in hindsight moving at a mile a minute always. I was up all night and out the door early. I hadn't cooked a meal for myself in months, and my liver was holding on by a thread.

Now I'm not saying I'm 90 years old eating soup and crackers in a retirement home or anything. I still have chatty friends, but I no longer live in a loud messy apartment full of fellow bustling people with liquor bottles lining the cabinets. I no longer commute in crowded subway cars surfing my way through Manhattan, music blaring through my headphones. I now either work from home or commute 15 minutes to work in the back of an Uber in peaceful silence (Hell, I've even grown up from the poorer UberPool days of LA  Jordan, chatting to strangers and accidentally making friends). 

But I'm sure in 12 more years when I'm a completely new 43 year old Jordan, I'm going to want to know about today. So this is for her.

In the last 24 hours I...

...I went to the shops to stock up on art supplies to make a friend a marathon sign for this weekend (sidenote: ChatGPT really dropped the ball in the art of marathon sign suggestions!)

...I watched the Below Deck finale (I'll miss you Captain Jason) whilst brushing Norm and having a ruckus game of throwing stuffed ham toys all around the room (No seriously...the realest thing Lara did all season was have a sex dream about Captain Jason).

...I forgot my CEO was a grown woman who doesn't go to work to gossip and gab...sorry I like to have fun!

...I took my daily brisk strut around the neighbourhood, Perfect Day by Hoku blasting in my ears, nary a care in the world.

...I listened to hours and hours of The Telepathy Tapes while clicky clacking away at work and got silently annoyed whenever someone came in to my office and interrupted me (very fascinating. Is it real?...Am I going to google it and break my own heart? Who's to know! I texted my childhood best friend to chat about it and she hasn't responded yet...being grown up and busy is so lame.)

... I listened to this song on repeat. Did I know it yesterday? Nope. No idea where she came from but if there is one thing I'm going to do it's support my fellow redheads! 

...I painted a crappy picture. Hot Take: I love painting crappy pictures. I find it very therapeutic, like 1000 piece puzzles, the NY Times Crossword (Only Mondays and Tuesdays), mise en place and spray and wiping my surfaces. Just some good old fashion quiet time in my enclosure!  

...I booked a nail appointment (See title)

Screaming. Crying. Throwing Up.

 

Since October every 4 weeks or so I spend about 12 hours in agonizing abdominal pain.

I think I have gallstones.

What have I done about this I hear you question?

Sweet Fuck All.

That's not entirely true....I have made several Dr appointments but after the fog clears and I'm right as rain again, I cancel it.

Yet as soon as I feel the pain creeping in again I curse my past self before taking my place in a scalding shower and begin throwing up every thing I've eaten in the last 31 years.

Last night was one of those nights.

It took four refills of my trusty hot water bottle but I was finally able to fall asleep a few hours in and the best part is when I woke up? Good as gold!

One day I may go to the dr....or it will kill me...que sera